Worst Grave Robber Ever

Adventure Time

So I go to this god forsaken cemetery at fricken 2:30 in the morning and as im walking onto this creepy ass property I start thinking to myself, "Why the fuck am I even doing this?" I honestly have no idea but at this point all I'm running on is pure caffeine and I have nothing else to do. So anyways, I'm walking through this fucking creepy ass piece of land surrounded by dead people thinking that nothing exciting is gonna happen and what do I hear behind me? Fuckin rustling is some bushes. So I whip my scrawny white ass around and shine this tiny ass flashlight into the bushes and there's a goddamn raccoon trying to eat a brick. So naturally, I start throwing sticks at this raccoon trying to get his bitch ass to go away, and he finally does after, like, five minutes. So I go over to see if I can find out why this raccoon was so fascinated by this brick that he was trying to break his creep ass little bandit teeth on it and as I pick up this brick(that was covered in caramel by the way), I hear a fucking thud behind me. That's right, a fucking thud. I turn around an there's a tiny little man, and I'm talking tiny. Like, five feet tall with a shaved head and little rat eyes crouching over this tombstone trying to yank it out of the ground. He sees me and stands up and tries to run at me and my first instinct is to throw the nasty ass brick in my hand. So I do. The brick nails the guy in the ribs and he goes down harder than the titanic. I'm sure that was quite the sight to see with me screaming at the top of my lungs chucking bricks at a rat man who bum rushing me. While this guy is laying on the ground wheezing, I call the cops and they say they'll send a guy right away. Well it's been almost twenty minutes and I'm still trying to figure out how the hell I managed to knock this guy out with a shovel a few minutes ago.