Invisible Comfort

Chapter 1

"Dean? Why are you doing that? Stop breathing like that, Dean you will pass out, stop." Castiel ordered. Dean started rocking faster and scratching harder. He saw the bible and reached out a shaky hand, breathing in the scent until all he could feel was a slamming on his chest and all he could hear was Lilith chanting in his ears.
"Calm down Dean!" Castiel yelled, walking towards him. As he penetrated Deans mind all he saw was terror. Sheer terror and pain and fire and blood and hell. He withdrew quickly, feeling human emotion seeping into him and feeling the panic of Deans mind wash through him. He had never known a human could have such demonic memories and still be able to fake the calmness and constant air of proudness that surrounded him. He quickly moved forward, jumping towards Dean on the bed and sprawling over him. He was aware that this was an intimate position, but right now all he could think about was Deans wellbeing. He tried to comfort him, pulling him into a tight embrace against his chest, but when that didn't work he did what he learned as a child. To comfort the younger ones, he would spread his wings over them. Now, he was spreading his invisible wings over them. He entered Deans mind and it was silent. It was too silent. He worried he may have been too late until he heard a faint sound.
"Cas?" Dean whispered, his breath shaky and tears falling without his permission. Cas was still connected to Dean, not through mind but through the deal of the handprint when he raised him. And he felt something. Some kind of feeling. It was warm and comforting and it kept getting stronger when he looked at Dean underneath him. When Dean looked up at him he felt that same surge, that panic and yet so calm that he felt like a human. And then before he could control it his wings folded and Deans hallucinations came back. He screamed and tried to get away, the beating in his chest quickening. Castiel did what he had done just moments before, wrapping his invisible wings around them. He scolded himself for not paying attention, for being too unfocused, but he knew he could scold himself later. Right now he had to help Dean. He wasn't sure how humans comforted one another, so when Deans breathing had slowed again, he put a hand on his. Dean nearly stopped breathing, that feeling washing over him again, as Dean started shaking.
"C-Cas- it's b-back-" Dean stuttered, staring over his shoulder.
"I don't wanna go back!" He yelled, tears streaming down his face.
"Dean- there is no one else here! It is just us here. The fear is breaking through the barrier in your mind of pain and reality. If you can understand me I need you to look at me." Cas said gently. Slowly Dean squinted through tears and carefully touched his cheek.
"How do I know you're really here- that you're not gonna kill me?" Dean choked out, his heart racing.
"Look at me Dean, focus on me, nothing else, just shut your eyes and keep your hand right there. What do you feel?" Cas asked gently. Dean tried to concentrate but he just kept hearing Lilith chanting.
"I-I don't know- I can't- it's too loud-" he sobbed, clutching to Cas' coat with one hand and keeping his other hand on his cheek. He gently moved his fingers across the skin and again Cas felt that surge of energy. That pleasant feeling that was terrifying and amazing at the same time.
"I need to enter your mind, I need to know what you're seeing." Cas warned him.
"N-No- don't-" Dean tried to stop him but he was already starting, entering his mind. Cas was shocked when he found a memory, more of a daydream, happening currently. He watched through Dean as Lilith stood and giggled, telling him things in her little girl voice.
"You aren't good enough for Castiel silly! And besides, he'll never really love you! Angels don't have feelings. Now are you ready to go back? You had so much fun, and there's nothing here for you. Sam will get killed by me even if you do live. You're just drawing out your pain... And Cas doesn't love you, so why make him stay here trying to help you when he could be out helping people? Come on, lets go see Daddy!" Lilith smiled.
"Yours or mine?" Dean choked out.
"Both silly!" She smiled. Dean seemed to drain then. His eyes just seemed to lose their color and his only spark of hope just left.
"I'm ready..." Dean muttered.
"No! Dean!" Cas yelled retreating from his mind and doing the only thing he could think of that someone would do if they DID love someone. He kissed him. He slammed their lips together and kissed him as a single tear fell off his face. Deans eyes widened and the hallucinations vanished. He wasn't sure what to do, so he stayed still, holding his breath. Cas slowly pulled back, his face still impossibly close and his eyes not opening as he tried to stop the second tear that fell.
"Please father... When I open my eyes... Don't let him be dead..." Cas whispered, opening teary eyes.
"Cas?" Dean whispered, hardly daring to move. Cas smiled at first, a look of wonder on his face, then complete confusion.
"You pulled me back..." He whispered, putting a hand on his cheek. Suddenly Cas paled and looked away.
"I-I'm sorry- I just- I thought- I mean- I know what she was saying- I don't know what- I'm sorry- I shouldn't have done that- it was a bad idea-" Cas stuttered, turning bright red and swallowing nervously as Dean just looked at him. Cas was still on top of him and he felt too shaky to sit up, so instead he just pulled Cas' face down towards his.
"You pulled me back Cas... Thank you... And I guess there's no point lying... So... I-I really like you..." Dean said quietly, blushing and pulling his face completely down until their lips met. This time Cas' eyes widened and he gently put a hand against Deans face. When they pulled back it was because Dean had stopped moving.
"What if this is another dream?" Dean asked in a shaky tone, his face dropping its light.
"If you wake up and find out it was... Then I want you to kiss me... Because I feel real... And if we're having a dream together... I don't want it to end in our minds... I want it to continue when we're awake..." Cas whispered, leaning in hesitantly and stopping just an inch from his lips.
"Is this... Ok?" Cas whispered.
"Shut up..." Dean whispered, grabbing his collar and dragging him down into the kiss. Cas shut his eyes and started to smile into the kiss, letting Dean take control since he didn't know much. Dean bit his lip and Cas opened hungrily, their tongues battling over dominance.
"Gotta admit Cas, you're a damn good kisser." Dean mumbled. They continued to kiss, slower and sweeter, until Sam burst through the door, expecting the worst. What he saw was a little disturbing. Cas and Dean were just laying on the bed, making out, tongues fighting and Dean getting his fingers tangled in Cas' hair. Cas just kept kissing back, his hands on Deans cheeks and his legs trying to curl around Deans. He didn't say a word, instead turning and backing away, making sure to get away before he saw something that would make him want to burn his eyes out.