So this entire crisis slowly began last week when I was doing my favorite occupation: listening to soundtracks from musicals. I didn't even notice it was a crisis. Well, I'm using "crisis" a lot to describe this, but I'm not really sure what else. It makes me pretty anxious to think about, so therefore, it shall now be dubbed as The Crisis.
So The Crisis began as I was listening to the soundtrack for Disney's stage adaption for Hunchback of Notre Dame. Nothing, right? Well. I was singing along, doing whatever, until I had a thought (-great, thinking, that always gets me into good places) and made a tumblr post about that thought. The thing was, "Hey, if I were ever given the chance I would love to play Quasimodo in this musical" and my tags were (I think; I'm going off of memory here) #totally and #hands down. I then made a video a while later (I think this was a day after [It's now that I really wish Tumblr posts had timestamps]) of me singing 'Out There', the caption being 'reason 557 on why I should play Your Next Quasimodo™'. It was great for video and singing purposes, but it wasn't great because that single-handedly began The Crisis.
That video and the post didn't really get me thinking, though. It was more the back of my head thoughts that got me thinking more. I was thinking about my about page on Tumblr, and how I have 'cis, she/her' and I sort of just thought about that one line for a while with thoughts like "but what if I changed that to something else?" and stuff like that.
Let me clarify: I don't think (as of right now) I would transition or anything like that into a male, because I don't feel like that's what I really feel like, you know what I mean? I mean, being nonbinary would be okay with me, but sometimes it's like? I was on the bus this afternoon coming home and I sort of felt satisfied with thinking about me being referred to as he/him pronouns. But, I still feel like I'd go by she/her too! This is why this is The Crisis because I'm not completely sure what I want to even think.
And recently (recently as in maybe a half an hour ago) I was contemplating going by 'Adrien' because in French, literally the names Adrienne (girl) and Adiren (guy) sound very similar if not exactly the same. In English, you certainly can't tell the difference. You can't really do anything with my actual name. I like Adrien kind of, but I'm not sure if I'd actually go by it anywhere.
This is it for now I think, but still. The Crisis continues.
