Nostalgia (Editing)

l o v e

Picture: Serein River Reynolds

Song: Use Somebody by Kings Of Leon

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Chapter 1

l o v e

She's watching him fall in love with someone else right now. But she swears that someday, at the right time, at the right moment, when she can do all those things again, he will be doing the same thing. He will be watching her fall in love. He will be watching her be the happiest she's ever been, and it will kill him slowly...Worst then how it is killing her right now.

- imatnorth

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The single most noteworthy thing about love, in my experience, is the way it is destined to torment and break someone from its onset. Whether it may be the spouse outliving their partner or losing them to someone else, there is no getting away from that most grave of inevitabilities. 

It's fascinating how two people can submit themselves to all this misery and heartache for the sake of such brief happiness, the warm touch of familiar skin, the unrivaled pleasantness in waking up beside the same person you spent the entire night dreaming about. It's all the proof I need that insanity exists. People who find beauty and bliss from the pain and loss of love must clearly be insane. Yet, I fall into the trap like anyone else.

For the millionth time in thirty minutes, I sneak a peek in Sage Riley's direction, and he is so beautiful, it almost hurts looking at him. I spent most of last year trying to make sense of the most beautiful and miserable time of my life.

Inevitably, my throat closes up, as I dwell on the fact that it took 3 years of friendship, 1 year of loneliness, and a tragic event for me to realize that I'm in love with my best friend - well- ex-best friend, which makes the situation much better.

I watch as his eyes narrow as he appears puzzled for a moment. He seems achingly perfect, but his deep blue eyes seem more tired than usual so I'm guessing he couldn't sleep last night.

As always, I keep telling myself there is nothing good left to salvage from the wreckage. Unfortunately, this still doesn't stop me from remembering the very few things in life so beautiful that it almost hurts, and looking into Sage's eyes is on the top of that list, I know, it's corny but I can't help but feel that way when it comes to him.

His smile always intrigues me. To anyone else, he probably looks like he has no care in the world. He's really good at hiding his emotions. Yet if you look closely, there is that tiny glimpse in his eyes that shows me he still holds onto the pain and sorrow I feel every day.

My close friend, Max, insists that guys hate being called beautiful, apparently it's not manly enough. It's impossible to think about any other adjective when you glance at his rugged features and deep blue eyes, so I can't say it's my fault. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies since I seem to be in the middle of a Disney moment.

I'd bet everyone who is female, they would let their eyes linger on him for more than three minutes. But they don't know him like I do. They don't know the scars he's hiding or the fear of being a disappointment.

I hate that I still think about it, think about him, about this situation we're drowning in. I miss what we used to be, and only hope that he feels the same way. If he wasn't so damn stubborn we could work through the issues that brought us here, but he won't get over his pride and always finds excuses so that we won't be near each other so we don't have a chance to talk.