All the feels

Monday, April 18th, 2016

It's amazing how one single being can flip your whole world upside down or be the one thing to bring you happiness. Today, my day was going well. Fine I guess you could say, fine is the line between something being good and above average and between bad and below average. Fine is the zero between the negatives and the positives. Today was fine. You could say it was normal, I was laughing, I got to sit next to him, I didn't make a fool of myself in my least favorite class. I was happy and could only focus on one thing. Finally being able to talk to him.

I texted him at our usual time and was pleasantly surprised at an immediate response. My heart flutters whenever he does anything let alone talks to me, I continued on the conversation as usual following our unofficial but always executed "routine." I didn't know what the conversation would turn into but I was excited to find out. The talking turned into a conversation. My heart ached for a cute and sappy discussion that only someone apart of it could love. Twenty minutes. That's the amount of time he disappeared for the first time. Him disappearing was abrupt and earlier then anticipated. I usually got at least a good 30 minutes but ,my heart sank and my eyes darkened as I realized I wouldn't be getting that today. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I wanted was to talk to him. I didn't want to do homework. I didn't want to watch TV. I didn't want to check social media. I just wanted to hear about his day, hear that he loved me, argue about the cute things we argue about every day.

My mind was wandering and the all too well known worry flooded in. Why did I care so much and why did I let this worry me? Only when you're in love I guess. I couldn't stand having my phone next to me. You could say I was obsessed, but I don't care. I put my phone upstairs and mentally gave myself restrictions.

"You can go get and check your phone at 3:45" I told myself.

Twelve minutes doesn't seem like a lot until you're that passionate about something or someone. I distracted myself, I cam up with tasks and bossed myself around to stay in check. The minutes slowly ticked away. 3:45 hit and I bolted upstairs. He replied. Excitement filled my body. The conversations back on, I was worried over nothing. Truth is, I wasn't. That one message would be the last before he disappeared again this time, he wouldn't text back after twenty minutes.

The feelings I had been dealing with ten minutes prior rushed back. There's no need to explain again what they were because they were the exact same other then the fact that this time I knew the conversation was actually done. I was sad, I was upset. Within thirty minutes I saw him check social media, no response. It hurt. I wasn't mad, in fact, I kind of expected it. Maybe not that soon but in all honesty, I did expect it.

I carried on with my night and talked to friends and even acquaintances just searching for a form of comfort. They made me feel slightly better but only one person could make me 100% okay in this moment and they had disappeared hours ago.

My day was less then fine now. Like I said before, isn't it crazy how one person's tiny action can flip your whole day. Love is crazy. Tonight was as well.