In the Middle

Five years ago, today

4/18/16

Dear mom,

Five years ago today, was the first time I saw you in years. I was ten and so innocent; so unaware of what you did to me and my sisters. That was before jail and social services came along. I can't even see your face without cringing, but it hasn't always been like that.

I remember running into your arms, filled with such joy, when we got to the park. I hugged you so tight, I didn't want to let go. Although, my little brother tackle hugged me when I did. Considering it was the third time we met him, he was more than happy to see us again. He'd grown so much from the last time we had seen him. 

I was standing to your left, with my two other sisters to your right and my brother below you and *click*.  Taking pictures is the only way you can see us anymore and that's pretty sad. All the outdated images and worn out memories is all we see of each other.

You lost me and my other two sisters twelve years ago. That's twelve years I spent growing up without you and I'm honestly really glad it worked out that way. To me, you were never a great mother anyway. I mean, you lost my little brother and newborn sister, who I haven't even met yet, to social services because you can't handle raising kids when you can't even take care of yourself.

They are now going to grow up in foster homes and probably never see me ever again and I don't want that to happen. I want them to have an amazing life without you. Without all the pain and misery you put me through. They deserve to grow up in a loving home with kind and trustworthy parents. They deserve to grow up and be whoever they want to be and you can't ruin that. I won't let you ruin their lives like you did to me.

Ever since I was three years old, you were the worst thing that ever happened to me. You were my first heartbreak and my second and every other time you "couldn't make it" to the visitations or didn't put in the effort that I did to see you. You know, with all those times you canceled our plans to see each other or promised me something but didn't keep that promise, you made me feel absolutely horrible. The things you did to me were things I can't explain and can never forgive. I normally can't hold a grudge because I'm a nice person, but you aren't worth my effort anymore. I've shed too many tears, wasted too many nights, used up too many minutes on you and all it did was bring me pain. I'm done wasting my life on you.

 Goodbye.