We R Leejun

Also this story is a long read. Chapters have been added to help, but it still clocks in at about one hundred pages. Trying something a little new here, injecting comedy into horror. You've been warned.

Introduction: A Night to Remember

The world is growing. Of course, I mean in population, but also in something else. It's not exactly something you can gather facts and figures on. You can't exactly find information on it in a book, article, or scientific journal. If you search the internet for information you are only going to give yourself carple-tunnel syndrome and maybe hairy palms depending on your ability or inability to stay focused. It's something you catch glimpses of, but don't really attribute to anything. There's something growing beyond the veil, undetectable to those who aren't looking for it. I want to tell you something and I want you to listen. And after you listen, I think you are going to see it too. However, I want you to know one thing before you begin: This book is very stupid and you are going to be stupider after reading it.

The bar was sick with sounds and conversations, but no music could be heard. It seemed that one patron with an unholy amount of change found it hilarious to play "Freebird" on loop for four hours straight. (Which according to calculations is about three times.) It also seemed that another patron found it more hilarious to bash the jukebox with a barstool and threaten to brain the aforementioned patron. Both customers no longer frequented the establishment. One was banned while the other was more inclined to be as free as a bird and frequent other bars. (With jukeboxes.) Most of the conversations gravitated towards "cry-tears-in-your beer" stories about unfaithful wives and bosses whose heads were so far up their ass that they put the Ouroborus to shame. Believe it or not, this was where I wanted to be.

I waltzed in and sat on the nearest stool, which seemed to be a bit bent and wobbled. I signaled the bar tender for a pitcher of bloody mary's. At the bar, I drank from the pitcher, which induced the bartender to look at me like I was one of those tools who pre-games before going to the bar. I was not drunk and I had no intention of being drunk, but a bar is a good place to find people with an open ear and I needed them to listen, to understand. I took the pitcher to the biggest booth I could find. As he went for a glass I made my declaration.

"I'm drunk and I want people to listen to my story." (I know, not the best introduction, but god-damnit this isn't "The Odyssey" You knew what you were getting into when you picked up this book.)

The drunks regarded me with little interest before I continued, "I am going to keep drinking and whoever is up to join me and listen will be on my tab for the night."

This piqued their attention and five joined me with the promise of free drinks. The crowded around the table, eager to be noticed and included in on my tab.

One asked, "Bloody Mary's? What are you, a gay?"

I heaved a sigh and countered, "I'll order something more manly next round, but now I want something to sip slowly while I talk. I also want something that isn't going to get you plastered too quickly. Bartender, six glasses please."

I began, "Let me tell you tale that transcends time-"

A patron interrupted, "I swear to God that is the lamest opening I've ever heard. What's next? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?"

"Do you even know what that line is from?"

"Of course, I do! Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties."

Another cut in, "No, you idiot! It's a line from Shakespeare. The one about the son whose father is killed by his uncle and he goes out for revenge."

Another interjected, "That's The Lion King dumbass."

This was one of those moments when I wished a blood vessel would burst in my head and kill me instantly.