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he hadn't slept in days, his head was to clouded with what if's.
so many that by time he thought of a new one he had already forgotten the last..
when he did sleep it was all day. throw breakfast and lunch and awake just in time for dinner, nobody questioned it, its been going on for so long they just assume its normal, a teen thing.
if only they saw past the dark circles that wernt really circles but shadows of the sadness in his eyes that nobody look into deep enough to notice.
it was summer break and he hadn't seen the sun threw anything but his bedroom windows, his fears crippling him, he couldn't get out of bed.
he tried his best to drown out his surroundings and focus on the music in his ears, but he could only turn up the volume so much before his ears ached, written words could do so much.
he needed something real. he needed someone.
summer only lasted for so long, he could only hope he would last long enough to see the end.
he wanted to see winter, he wanted the cold outside to be his reason to stay in, but the thing he loved most was the rain.
for the alone it was a chance to be touched, to let harsh shivers let them feel alive, he just wanted to feel life again.
to them there was more depth in the weather than what everyone els saw. they couldn't understand why everyone wanted to block out the cold with warmth. the cold is there to be felt.
there was rhythm in each drop of rain and flake of snow.
winter brought something that no other season had to offer.
it brought pure whites and soothing grays. the sound of rain on his roof at night was better than any music he has ever heard.
the only warmth he wanted came from something he didn't have.
someone.
everyone els had there own someone so... where was his?
would it come in the mail like a present? would they reach for the same book on the same shelf?
he didn't understand why he didn't have one yet. you would think the ones who needed them most would be top priority but no.
was it going to be like those quotes that go, you have to love yourself before anyone els will love you?
because he never believed those quotes, he believed that some people needed somebody to show them how to love themselves. because how can you love yourself with the costant thought of why won't anybody love me? what do i need to change to make myself more lovable? is it because I'm a bad person? am i bad person?
some people are ok with being alone and thats great, but he wasn't. but there isn't much he could do was there?
so he awaited the day his somebody arrived.
