All The Times I Met Him

At first I didn't really care who he was. We didn't go to the same school, but always got on the same bus back home and off at the same stop. We saw each other every day, but never talked. I never really bothered to get to know him, immediately labelling him as the 'jock' type based on appearance.

 The first time I really acknowledged him was when I was thirteen and he was fourteen. It was a particularly busy day and the bus was crowded. I sighed and grabbed the  metal pole to steady myself. He stood right next to me and for once we made conversation. I can't remember what exactly it was about but it was a common interest. As soon as we had gotten into our conversation the bus had arrived at our stop. I realised we had been talking for half an hour, which was a surprise as I usually got toung tied and started stuttering, blame my nervousness. I felt comfortable talking to him and regretted not making contact sooner. 

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The next time I met him was almost two months later. I was disappointed by his absence, but it turned out he had been in a car accident the day I left him. Luckily he only broke a leg and sprained his wrist, but there was still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind saying that I was responsible, if I had gone with him that day, I might have been able to prevent it. That thought stayed with me until I talked some sense into myself later on. Why would I go with him anyway? We had just met. In this meeting i finally got a name out of him, after a month and 27 days of waiting, I found out his name was Daniel. I tested that name on my tounge walking home that day. I liked that name.

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It became normal, from then on, for us to sit together. We would meet up at the bus stop, and chat until the bus came. Then we would sit together, sometimes we would talk, sometimes we would sit in silence, but I felt content. I often wondered if he thought me a nuisance. I was a year younger than him and aware that sometimes I could get annoying. Tho if I was a nuisance, he didn't show it.

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After almost 380 meetings I felt like we had known each other for years (well technically we had, but that's not the point). One particular day in April it was raining. I - typical of me - didn't bring an umbrella, or a coat for that matter, Daniel, naturally, offered to share his umbrella with me and walk me home. Because I felt bad I told him he could stay at mine, texted my mum and directed him to my house. After two years of knowing each other we hadn't visited each other's houses yet, I was too embarrassed to ask him over and he never seemed that interested.

On the walk home he stopped me.

 "Can I ask you out on a date?"

My heart sped up.

"Sure,"

I didn't know what else to say, he was confusing sometimes.

"Then will you be my girlfriend?"

"Ok..."

I answered quickly. I flushed pink. Daniel smiled at me, and hugged me. I felt my cheeks heat up worse and hugged him back, burying my face into his shoulder, as if to hide it.

That day was one of my happiest.

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Now it had been a year since we got together. I hoped we stay together. I was really happy like that, and I know I can't speak for someone else, but I honestly think he was too. He smiled a lot more. The last time I met him he was leaving at the bus stop on his way home. I said "goodbye." It was on a whim, I didn't mean to. I don't believe in 'goodbye'. Why would a 'bye' be good? I only say goodbye to those who I don't like. I say bye to everyone else and 'bye bye' to those who are special to me. I felt like running back to him to apologise for this mistake, but I didn't.

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The last time I met him is different to the last time i saw him. The last time I saw him was when I remembered something I wanted to tell him, I doubled back past the bus stop, and I saw home. His soft brown eyes, that I had grown to love, where staring up to the sky. 

"Dan" I called out.

There had been a car crash.

"Daniel!" I screamed louder.

I ran to his side. I should have come with him! 

I didn't register the smoke or the car or the pedestrians, only Daniel filled my mind. I'm not sure how long I spent crying beside him, shaking him, but a stranger tugged me away. With weak knees I hesitantly stood, taking a final look back at Daniel, sobbing hysterically I groped the air futilely as if i could reach him. Now two strangers were holding me back. Dragging me away from his stone cold body.

That was the last time I saw him.

That was the first time I had a nightmare in years.

That was the first time I had felt true sadness.

That was the first time I realised just how much he meaned to me.

That was the first time I realised just how much I loved him.