b r o k e n

Growing Feelings

It didn't come as much of a surprise for him,

He'd known it for quiet a while yet chose not to acknowledge it, denying the hints, turning a blind eye to the hurtful truth.

But it was inevitable,

He thought of all the times it could have started, all the times he could have taken the hint. Was it during their encounters as trainees? Was it during their rehearsals? Bonding time with seniors? No, he couldn't have possibly been that blind. Was it during that brief time they drifted apart? Or the times where they were just too busy with individual schedules to hangout? Too scattered around to stay together? He wasn't sure.

"Sehun, Do you think something's up with Kai?" Suho being the first to notice, had asked him while they were out for coffee. Freezing his actions, he eyed the older.

"Huh? Not really, Why?" Lies.

"Its Just.., Forget it. It's probably nothing" Suho shook it off taking a sip of the hot beverage, sighing in content at its bitter taste.

The Leader's instincts weren't wrong, If the muffled conversations heard from the other end of the room late at night said anything.

Everything that has been going on with Kai lately has been questionable. The sudden disappearances of the said person at unusual timings made him feel anxious.

His thoughts were interrupted when Suho, having finished his coffee, announced that they should probably head back. Giving a slight nod of agreement, he abandoned the chocolaty goodness that had run cold somewhere in between.

The sound of running water woke him up from his slumber. Lifting his head up, he blindly reached out in search of his phone, squinting at the blinding light shining on the screen.

2.47 am

Almost 2 hours since they got back from practice, Except for Kai. He had stayed behind agreeing to join them later on.

Guess he's back..

Pushing his phone back into the pillow, he rolled over to the side trying to lift his body up. The sound of the doorknob turning made him freeze and instinctively lay back down.

Sound of footsteps cut through the silence that surrounded the room. Eyes closed, He stiffened in place, unable to react naturally. The creak of the drawers stopped, leaving the room in sudden silence, except for the occasional hum of the air conditioner. He willed himself not to open his eyes, He was guilty of nothing yet he found himself unable to acknowledge the other. The footsteps resumed, moving closer towards the edge of his bed.

The sheets were lifted off his legs, until they draped over his shoulders the next second, engulfing his body in warmth. Eyes closed, he held his breath when he felt the space next to him fill with the presence of the other.

Is something troubling him? He knew well that Kai would insist they sleep together when he's got a lot on his mind, or it's the nightmares from their occasional movie night.

Wet hair tickled his neck breaking the train of thought. The image of Kai curled up against him like a child made his heart swell. He let the other's soft snores lull him to sleep, enjoying the closeness while it lasts.

"Let's take five." Were the blessed words.

Their choreographer disappeared out the doors of the practice room, leaving the boy band to collapse in peace. The members stumbled to the corners of the room eagerly, setting their backsides on the wooden floor. Sehun watched the others gulp down the clear liquid in one go and catch their breaths, except for Kai. He continued dancing, gaze on his reflection unaware of the pair of eyes on him. Sehun watched the other attentively, eyes on swift movements that are performed at ease. The passion clear in his movements.

It was not always easy for him, sure he was a ballet dancer who possessed much fluidity but he has had his fair share of struggles with the genre. Sehun remembers how Kai would practice until late into the night, how tired he would look afterwards and how in school, he would rest his head on the desk trying to catch a wink of sleep between classes. He smiled as he recalled the past, when they were just trainees, when Kai was just Jongin.

When he transferred to the new school he already had the company of Jongin, whom he met through training. Jongin was pretty shy back then, very much different from how he's on stage. He made friends pretty easily so it was no pressure adjusting to the new environment, unlike Jongin who despised being alone and would cling onto either him or Moonkyu, unless of course he was hiding in the library, which explains his love for books, something Sehun had no experience with. When Moonkyu left training, being the same age, He and Jongin had gradually become closer. Debuting became his dream and Jongin became his idol, his inspiration to work harder to reach his dream. Inspiration or was it simply adoration, 

All alarms blared in warning. Sehun knows he should stop. Tell himself this is as far as he goes, only admiration, nothing else.

His thoughts were interrupted when Baekhyun tossed a water bottle at him and sat down next to him, body leaning heavily on his shoulder. With their winter album releasing, the long hours of practice and tight schedules were inevitable, but there were no complains. They knew not to burden each other. The slight gap in their relationship still exists, but none are too keen on acknowledging it, to make amends. He believes that its better that way, they were still each other's strength, still brothers. Suho's clap resonated through the room signaling the end of their break.

The glass felt cool against his throbbing forehead, he let out a breath watching it hit against the glass leaving behind a patch of white which disappeared as soon as it came.

The other members were quick to get into the Van, drowsy figures who didn't give a damn about the regular seating patterns. Sehun moved closer to the window, making space for Baekhyun and Chanyeol who squished next to him, looking quite tired as well. It was only natural of them to be drained with their Comeback on the way and the MAMA's which meant double practice time.

Baekhyun linked their hands together, head leaning on his shoulder, eyes closed no doubt enjoying the warmth provided from his and Chanyeol's bodies. Sehun's eyes turned to the occupants of the front seat. Kai was seated in between Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon, his upper body tilted sideways, head resting on Kyungsoo's shoulder, fast asleep. His eyes lasted a while longer on Kai, watching the streetlights shine on the mocha coloured hair.

There was a growing feeling in his chest and Sehun despised it, he needed to stop getting affected by it, But its beyond his control. Closing his eyes, he leaned against the glass once again letting fatigue take over him.