4 am

Longing

When you break it down, love is really just a strong feeling of affection, a connection shared by two souls simply longing for each other's presence. This type of love alas is only available by two parties who are willing to participate.

That boggles my mind, and maybe that's why I've never had it? Maybe it's because I've never fully grasped the meaning of it?

Maybe it's that I'm unlovable? I am simply not anyone's type, but you'd think even with the stupendous kinks spewing out of the internet even I, a slightly overweight, slightly laughable girl, would find someone whose attracted to that.

Maybe it's that I'm too slight. I'm only slightly this or slightly that. I'm slightly okay at drawing, I'm slightly okay at cooking. I'm even slightly okay at dancing and slightly okay at singing. That has to be the reason? I embody nothing, and everything. Little pieces that don't quite fit together, but do give an overall picture. Not a beautiful picture, but it still reflects something. Something's Slightly there.

Love really is a fickle thing to me, but I know it's there. People's eyes tell me it exists, their graceful hands dancing across their lovers thighs. It speaks truth.

For who in their sound mind would love someone so imperfect? Feel such a strong pull toward wanting to create a future with a human disaster? Staying after every scream, every imperfect plan, every curse to the imperfect ground. Even for an entire existence?

That must mean their is some part to this equation that I'm missing. Some formula that I have never seen, one that explains why people will throw themselves to the wolfs simply to feel their fur.

It sounds crazy, preposterous, even ludicrous. But oh my god do I want it. It's so powerful that it makes smart people do dumb things, it must be such an exhilarating feeling. I have to know, i just have to.