Repressed Feelings {RonanxAdam, The Raven Cycle}

Repressed Feelings

After school that Friday, Adam climbed into Ronan's car, and they headed off to the Barns. This had become a regular occurrence for a few weeks now. Adam was confused as to why Ronan always took him with him at first, but after a few times, he began to look forward to it. While they were there, they walked around the several acres of land that Niall Lynch owned before he was killed. The boys talked about school and life, or they walked in silence. Occasionally, Adam would help Ronan with his homework, but that's only happened around two times when their trips first started and Adam saw it as an opportunity to help Ronan get his grades up so he wouldn't get kicked out of Aglionby.

Although Ronan tried to hide it, Adam noticed the other boy stealing glances at him as he drove. Adam knew that he wasn't supposed to know, but he couldn't help a small smirk. Most of the drive was done in silence, but it was a comfortable silence with two boys who were close friends and had been through a lot together in the short time they've known each other. Ronan pulled into the driveway, and he and Adam got out of the BMW and walked around to where the fields were. The early Spring day was warm with the sun shining bright, and Adam quickly took off his Aglionby sweater and tied it around his waist. There was a dormant cow in the distance, and they walked toward it.

Adam noticed that Ronan seemed a bit tense on the walk to the cow. Ronan reached out and slowly began stroking the brown and white cow, and he seemed a bit lost in his thoughts. "What are you thinking about?" Adam asked him as he also began to pet the cow.

"Nothing," Ronan replied with a sigh. Truthfully, Ronan did have something on his mind, and he was debating whether or not he should tell Adam. He didn't know how the other boy would react to his confession, and he didn't want to mess up the friendship they had. He knew that Adam was insanely smart, and would probably figure it out eventually, but the thought of telling Adam still terrified Ronan. It was on his mind every time they were at the Barns, but every time, he could never get up the courage to tell Adam how he really felt about him.

Adam knew that Ronan had something important on his mind. He could see it in his eyes every time they were alone together. He had an idea of what it could be, and he had a strong suspicion that he was right, but he wouldn't dare bring it up to Ronan in case he was wrong, and it was something else entirely that was on Ronan's mind. "Something's on your mind, Ronan," Adam said, looking up from petting the cow to look at Ronan.

Ronan dropped his hand and looked Adam in the eyes. Adam thought he saw a glimmer of fear or something similar, but it was gone before he could be sure. "Don't worry about it, Parrish. It doesn't matter, so don't press it."

Adam must have had a death wish because he did press it. "I know that you're thinking about something, and it's bothering you. I know you're not as close to me as you are to Gansey, but I'm still here for you. We've both been through a lot of shit together, so I would hope you trust me when I tell you that you can tell me anything, and I won't judge you," he said as he stepped around the cow toward Ronan. He could see that Ronan was getting more agitated, but Adam didn't back off. Ronan clenched his hands into fists and walked several steps away from Adam. "Ronan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset; I'm just concerned-" Adam was cut off by Ronan whipping around and quickly closing the space between them.

Suddenly, Ronan's hands were on either side of Adam's face, and his lips met the other boy's. The kiss was fairly gentle for the way Ronan had approached Adam. Ronan felt how soft Adams lips were, and he wanted more, but when Adam froze in surprise, Ronan pulled away quickly. Adam opened his mouth to talk, but Ronan cut him off, and he began speaking quickly and pacing in front of Adam. "Dammit, how could I be so stupid? I knew you were going to react like that. You probably hate me now, don't you? I'm a fucking idiot. All of this shit keeps happening to me, and now one of the only people I actually trusted hates me."

"Ronan, I-" Adam began, but was cut off again.

"I don't want to hear it, Adam. I know how wrong this is. I've known it my whole life, so you keep your mouth shut and save me the-" Ronan stopped talking when Adam raised his voice.

"I don't hate you," Adam almost yelled in order to get Ronan's attention. When he saw that Ronan was paying attention to him, he took a breath and said in a normal voice, "I don't hate you, okay. And it's not wrong. You like who you like. I had actually figured it out a while ago. I couldn't come up with another reason why you would bring me here all the time. I'm not mad. I was just surprised. I didn't wake up this morning expecting Ronan Lynch to kiss me." Adam paused and looked at Ronan. He could tell that Ronan was still embarrassed, and he didn't blame him, but he could also tell that Ronan was feeling better about his sudden show of emotion. Adam walked over and put his hand on Ronan's arm. "Ronan, I have feelings for you, too," he said softly. Ronan relaxed under Adam's touch, and he wanted to lean down and kiss him again.

Before Ronan could respond to Adam's words, his phone rang. "Hello?" Ronan said with a bit of annoyance in his voice. Adam also seemed annoyed that someone had interrupted them.

On the other line was Gansey, oblivious to what he just interrupted. "Ronan, where are you? You've been gone for longer than usual. Is Adam with you?"

"Yeah, Adam's with me, and we're on our way back now," Ronan said as he began walking in the direction of his BMW, motioning for Adam to follow him.

"Good, See you soon," Gansey said, and he hung up the phone.

Adam and Ronan reached the BMW, and they rode back in silence. It was the comfortable silence of two boys who had been through a lot together and had finally expressed the feelings that they had been repressing for too long.

A/N: This is my first fanfic, and I know it's short, but I hoped you enjoyed it. I wrote this on a sheet of paper when I was bored in school one day, and when ideas for this story were flowing through my mind. Leave a comment telling what you think. I'm working on another story that's going to have multiple parts, but it will probably be a while before it's uploaded due to school and imminent writer's block.