I may be breathing but my hearts not beating. is what I said to myself as I held the rope.
"Soon I won't even be breathing." I heard a noise as soon as I said that. Shit is someone here.
I head down stairs to see who it was. Oh just my drunk off his ass father. Along beside him is my extremely abusive mother. They are just perfect for each other.
"Hey you little waste, come here", crap my mom saw me. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
"Yes ma'am", I told her because I didn't want to be beaten to the brink of death.
"Oh someone is being an obedient little bitch", my father said joining in on the chat.
"Yes I am, sir. Is that alright with you", I said making sure to seem like I wasn't about to kill myself.
"Hey Karen the bitch thinks that it's 'alright'", my dad said talking to my mom. He was clearly drunk. I'm gunna get the shit beat out of me tonight.
<1 hour later>
As I limped back to my room, I saw something on the ground. Oh, it's shiny, what is it. I bent down, aching body parts after my horrible beating. I looked at it closer and I came to find out it's a blade. I've never really self-harmed with a blade before, I usually don't eat. Mainly because I'm not allowed to eat, and when I am I don't accept it.
I thought about taking it to my room for a minute. Well if I take it to my room I could see blood instead of just my worthless body. So I picked it up and went to my room, sat on my bed.
I set the blade on my bed while I think about how, which way, and where to cut. I decided deep, horizontal, and on my thigh. I picked it up and went to my bathroom, sat on the toilet. I pulled down my pants, sitting in my underwear I dragged the blade against my thigh with slight pressure.
I was pleased with the slight bit of blood that appeared right after I took the blade to my skin. Although not satisfied with the little bit of blood, I took the blade to my thigh with more pressure.
I added more and more, each with more pressure than the last. When I finally was satisfied enough for today, I cleaned up the blood that pooled around my legs and the few droplets that made their way to the floor. I fixed up my leg where the cuts are, while feeling light headed. Which is harder than anyone would think.
