The first thing he noticed was the darkness.
The second thing he noticed was the pain.
The latter was definitely more noticeable. Jordan groaned and felt for the epicenter of the burn, a small circle on the side of his ribs.
"SHIT," a panicked, unfamiliar voice rang out. "TUCKER, HELP ME. COME HERE. HE'S NOT DEAD." Faintly, Jordan registered that the loud voice was talking about him. He groaned again, trying to pry his eyes open.
He finally managed it, an impressive feat, and took in his blurry surroundings. So far, all he could make out was a pair of feet. He heard the pattering of footsteps, and a second pair joined the first.
"Sonja," a new, exasperated voice said. "I told you it was a bad idea to kick him." Wait, what?
With a jolt, his surroundings snapped into focus. He was lying on the ground, on his back. His head lolled to one side, and he was... wet? It felt like he weighed a million pounds, his soggy clothes stuck to his skin.
A foot prodded his side again, and he bolted upright. "Can you quit it?" he asked hoarsely. His mouth tasted of sand and the sea. It felt like he hadn't used his voice in weeks.
"Hey, Tucker, he talks!" the first voice said brightly. A girl moved into his line of sight, wearing heavy armor. She tossed her long, brown hair over one shoulder and smiled widely. "Sorry about whole, uh, kicking you thing," she said, wincing. "My bad." She knelt in front of Jordan. "You okay?"
A guy moved behind her, crossing his arms with some difficulty. He was decked out in armor. Jordan frowned. What was with these people? Before he could vocalize his thoughts, the guy sighed and snapped, "Of course he's not okay, Sonya. You fucking kicked him super hard after he almost drowned."
"I almost drowned?" Jordan's voice rose unspeakably high near the end of his question.
The girl blew out a laugh. "Oh, yeah. Me and Tucker- that's my salty boyfriend-" She gestured behind her. Tucker looked faintly pleased to be referred to as the salty boyfriend. "-found you floating face down in the river during patrol. We dragged you out. I thought you were dead, so I kicked you." She shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry."
"For the record, I did not think you were dead," Tucker said, raising his eyebrows. "I told Sonja it would be a bad idea for your first memory here to be a kick to the ribs."
Jordan's mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton. While someone was rapidly kicking him in the head. On a Tilt-A-Whirl. "And uh, where is here?"
"Tucker, give the poor asshole a break," Sonja proclaimed. "Anyway, drowning dude, welcome your face to the Realm of Mianite!"
Tucker rolled his eyes. "That's so stupid," he said.
"But accurate!" Sonja said, winking at Jordan. "Mianite is also, coincidentally, the name of the god-"
"SONJA," Tucker yelled, voice cracking. He narrowed his eyes. "Can we speak?" She opened her mouth, but was cut off again. "Alone?"
