I should get this out of the way first, I guess. I'm a girl. Not yet, technically. I plan to be. Not any of that Drag Queen garbage, just the somewhat unfortunate "T" part of the LGBT. Anyway. I should probably get to the point. My name is Jordan, an inconveniently unisex name. I'm in 10th grade at some public school in the middle of nowhere. About 200 kids in my class, so there's not many people and even less friends to make, especially as I'm fairly new here.
One day, as I was listening to just another one of my alternative bands that makes me even less popular, I noticed someone. I eventually found her name was Lissen, which was about the oddest name in existence, but I liked it. The only friend I had, she was. I was beyond thankful for her, and she dropped a Nirvana reference the second day I started talking to her! This was easily the best day at Ross Mark, this hell we call a high school, I've ever had. Back when I was 7, 8, maybe 9, my mom had some beauty magazines and some trashy People magazines laying around and I thought "why not I can read really good so" and did, read a bit of a few of them. It was odd when I wanted to keep reading, looking at articles directly to women. I'm pretty sure at that point I had realized maybe I wasn't like all the other boys, this was about the time I had found out about homosexuality and all that, so I started worrying. Then, some 2 or 3 years later, I had finally considered, "hey, am I a trans?". About a year later, I realized what I was. At that point, I thought being yourself was the best thing. Well. I got bullied into homeschooling. I was called a faggot a few times daily. Got beat up way too many times. For about 4 years after, I was homeschooled but I eventually got the courage to agree with my mom to go back to school. We recently moved houses, which is just another factor of "new school, I hope it's okay". Yeah, I wasn't getting bullied at all. Except I still didn't have any friends, which was definitely an improvement from Elementary, as teachers never seemed to see anything that needed seeing. There I was bullied and friendless. Now, not as much loneliness which I guess was okay. However, I wasn't being myself. I was acting much manlier than I was, until I found Lissen. Around her I was totally myself, and that helped me do that with my peers, too. Some 4 months after I met her, I came out to her, very officially. First person I had come out to, which would seem pressuring, but it wasn't. She was always so amazing and open-minded and accepting. She took it similar to how I planned. I didn't anticipate the hug though. From then on, nearly every night, we were sitting up in bed, 3 in the morning, texting each other. A month or so after I had broken those damned closet doors to her, she had told me something, something to make me sick and with a rather big headache. She had said rather chokingly her mother has abused her and her sisters longer than they could remember. Well what was I supposed to do? I told my parents what my secret was, not even caring if they were gonna kick me out or not, those homophobic pricks. After they went to bed I ran, ran up to Lissen's house and got her attention, to get the door. Again, what was I supposed to do? Well, see, I ran into her house and found her mom's bedroom and woke her up, called her a child hurting whore, slapped her, picked up Lissen and ran, far. I don't hit girls, but hitting cows are okay I guess. With that, her sisters came flying out too, like Lissen had told them what to do if something similar to this happens. God she knows me well. Her sisters, Lissen, and I were all suddenly sprinting down the road. We just ran and ran and ran. Eventually I had led us to the school, where we had waited till the doors opened in the morning and I used a Sharpie I found to say "I'm a transgender, sorry you assholes-Jordan Blackman" and I ran back to the Turners' and we ran. Far again. We found this big place so we stayed, nothing special. Small problem...no money or food. However, Lissen's oldest sister Kira had a blade in her pocket, a weapon. She was also wearing a long sleeved shirt, even at night. We all kinda connected the dots, and soon it became a cry fest temporarily for us. Still, a blade's a blade. We jammed the blade in some diner window and kicked it and the window shattered, we're already like Navy Seals for God's sake. We got some cheap food and camped in there for a few minutes to enjoy our first "survival" meal. Wasn't it just so comical that we found out, after finding some cobwebs and some papers dated back in the early 2000s, this restaurant is pretty deserted at this point. Also that food was years old. Whoops. Wow, weren't we just the criminals. With two 10 year olds, a 14 and 15 year old, and a 16 and 18 year old, we had some mixed problems. I was the only physical boy, but probably the most feminine in that group. Well, we were near a military train track, you know those train routes that ship army materials and stuff? We were getting pretty lucky, I didn't trust it. Another pure stroke of luck there was an assault rifle(I think) barrel sticking out just barely so we pried that together. New news: we have a gun with two clips. Wow. Knew it was too good. Some dude in camouflage hopped out of one of the main cars and threatened a gun at us, not to mention 2 more guys hopped out with him, all armed. When one got close, I shot him in the leg and gave him to Kira, while pointing a gun at him. Meanwhile, their train was gone but we didn't mention it quite yet. I shot him again, in the thigh this time and shouted for them to drop their guns or something. They eventually did, but one of them used his radio, talked into it for something. I had no idea what to do but I was positive people were coming soon. At that point I just shot up the guns on the ground and ran and we all kinda tackled the two guys and we kept running hard. The highway next to the train track, there was a single person in a slow moving car. We were all driven kind of insane at this point. This gun had a pretty accurate sight. Long story short we have a car and it smells really bad in the trunk now. I feel bad but kind of giddy. I've made everyone outlaws, bad. While Maya, who's not the oldest but the best driver, was going a million miles an hour down this empty straightaway. Hit the brakes hard, and went into some building. I had a gun while Kira had a blade, but we were okay. Not really hurt, but we had just spun out into a building so yes slight discomfort. We got out of the car and slept there the next two days. Then, with what was around us, using berries even, we changed all our appearances a bit. I had finally got what I wanted. I'm a girl on the outside and in now, minus the whole vagina thing, you know. Emily and Amy, the pre-teen twins, were unrecognizable. While we had gotten recovery time so we had a bit more of our old selves than before, some dignity, it all began to sink in. What we did. We killed someone, I did personally. I borrowed that blade for a while, thank God I had long socks on when I left. Too much blood, but not enough. We passed it around, but we didn't let the twins do it. At this point we look different, feel different, we left for some real food finally. We broke up exasperated and went around stealing tip jars from stores and restaurants. With a few weeks of McDonald's at our assistance, we were pretty good for right now. I didn't trust our luck, remember? Yeah well the cops rolled up and we ran, fat ass me still had a McDouble in my hand, we just ran, except Amy tripped. Of course she did. Lissen stayed to get her up and then we ran and went around the corner of the building we were in. We all got pushed back as soon as we turned, more cops than us in front of us with nightsticks and 9 millimeters. "We saw you shoot that old guy. Now, it's time to return the favor. Would you believe me if I said that man in your trunk was my uncle? Guess we'll never find out." And then he shot me. Then I didn't feel the bullet, not to mention a body was thrown across my chest. The hair was Lissen's hair. Oh my freaking God. I'm sobbing so hard at this moment. Lissen Elizabeth Turner just died for me. That's when I said screw it, got up, and beat the crap out of the cops to the best of my ability. I didn't even feel my shoulder get shot, but I was okay. We all ended up in Juvenile Detention for a few years, but I got it for 16 years. Apparently we're all over the news. And that dude was his uncle. I might have killed a man. I might have had someone take a bullet for me. I'm over it now. It's been nearly 18 years since I came out to the whole school on the wall, so I might be a total disgrace to my family, and Lissen's family, too but I get to know this. I'm gonna die eventually and I won't be upset, because everything dies at some point. I'll have died exactly how I wanted to, a girl. I had my surgery pretty recently, I think in April. But now, August 14th, 2032, and for me right now it's time to not be upset. Like I said, I'm dying a woman, exactly who I wanted to be when I died. I've killed a man and stuffed him in a trunk and looted stores and committed grand theft auto. I was about to get shot 18 years ago but the person I owe my life to died instead. So this is dedicated to you, Lissen Elizabeth Turner, I'll see you in a moment. Oh, and did I mention? It's my 32nd birthday. I wonder if anyone'll celebrate my 33rd. 14 then. 32 now. See you soon, Lissen, very soon. I promi
