Before I Do

Chapter 3: Sir Chief, My Friend

"But the responsibilities, can I delay those for a while?"

Am I making sense? Sure, I want the gown, the flowers, the classy reception and the cute flower girls. I want them now, while I'm still young and fresh and nubile. But the responsibilities that come with it, umm, can they wait?

Denver looks at me with the compassion only a real friend can give you. He lets out the kind of sigh that only someone who really knows you can pull off without putting you off.

"That's hard," he sips his beer. "Do you still love him?"

"Yes," I reply. And that's the truth.

"So what's the problem?"

"Johnny...changed," I admit for the first time out loud. "He's not the same guy who shook me out of my depression. Remember that time I went crazy over Matthew? Johnny shook me out of that depressive, helpless phase, remember?

"Johnny...he's not like that now. He's not laid back anymore. He's sooo serious now. Do you know that we have to schedule our romp fest days in advance? He's that busy!"

"Too much info, Kit."

"He's so busy at the office," I am on a roll. "He even works some weekends. And he doesn't drink till he drops anymore. Forget beer. He's onto scotch now."

"He can afford to drink scotch daily?"

"He can afford to pay me a month's worth of salary every day for the rest of my life," I reply. "That's how much he's making. I..."

I sigh. After thinking it over a few more times in my head, I finally arrive at a logical conclusion. "I'm bored. It's like being in a relationship with a machine."

"Kinky."

"That's not what I mean, silly," I slap his arm. "He's become so predictable. He's not, well, exciting anymore."

"So you're back to your old habits?" Denver signal for another beer. "You'll change shirts after three years?"

I shrug and sip my red wine. I know that I sound selfish, conceited even. But I know myself better this time around.

Before Johnny, I thought that maybe I am a little too much for most of the guys I dated. I came close to accepting that maybe there are only a handful of Filipino men out there who can run side by side with a girl who would never back down.

I thought that maybe I don't have an equal, which can be both good and bad. I thought maybe I was born with the wrong genitals. Then I met Johnny.

With his thick, curly locks (on his head, the upper one), he proved to me and my equally mean friends every possible theory why my past relationships didn't work. Johnny and I have been together for three years. And a lot can happen in three years.

Did I become so focused on the moments that I forgot to take charge of my future? And when the romantic moments began to fade, I started to panic.

Before Johnny, my relationships had a four-month expiration date. I never really understood what a three-year itch meant because I've never felt it then.

I used to think that maybe I am a little too something. Maybe I dressed a little too weird. Maybe I talked a little too loud. Maybe I talked mostly in English. Maybe I was too much of a "Grammar Nazi." Maybe I was a little too opinionated, a little too strong, a little too intimidating and a little too confident.

"So, what will you do now?" Denver asks, bursting my thought bubble.

"I don't know," I answer. It would be stupid and pathetic to break up with Johnny just because he's successful and I'm not. "But I do know what we don't have now."

"Sex?"

"Passion," I sigh, ignoring the honest question. "And I want it back Denver!" After a few silent moments, I add, "I need a project!"

Denver shakes his head in frustration, another sign that he knows I am ten cities away from a conclusion. I really lack focus.

To be continued...

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"Before I Do" is an ongoing romance series on Radish!

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"What Am I To You" is the prequel to "Before I Do." Head to Bookbed.org to read it!