(In)Sanity

Every Inch of Sanity

Title credit: Drowning Lessons, My Chemical Romance (song above)
The walls are grey. So is the ceiling. Why do I know what grey is? What it looks like? You want the truth?
I don't know.
I don't know anything. I know what walls are, obviously. I'm surrounded by them. The roof. The steel door.
But, I don't know who I am.
You can call me Lexi. It's not my name, but I like it. It's short, bright and is easy to say and spell. My hair is short. It's red.
I remember red. I remember sunsets. I can make vivid mental pictures of what red looks like, and what a nice sunset looks like. I still know about lakes, trees and homes. I just can't imagine them anymore. I've kept sunsets with me. They're the only colour in this little room.
I'm curled in a corner. I just woke up. I normally walk around my small room for a bit after I wake up.
But that's routine.
And routine is enough to make anyone go crazy.
Speaking of crazy, I am. Crazy. I'm nuts. Off my rocker. I just thought you should know.
I've been pondering fire. What is it exactly? Energy? Science? Magic? Why does it hurt to touch?
That opens another door of questions. Why can I get hurt? What happens if I get really badly hurt?
How long will I live? Will I be here the rest of my existence?
I say existence because without happiness there is no life, and I'm not happy, hence my existence.
I've lived in my own head for too long. That's my problem, on top of my being nuts.
I start counting. It's what I do whenever I seem to be getting lost in my own head.
I'm counting faster and faster. I need something to bring me back down from the crazy high that I'm on.
My nails settle deep into the skin of my arms. It hurts, but it helps. I keep digging them in deeper and deeper, and I don't stop, even though blood is flowing down my arms.
But I relish in the pain. It tells me that I'm still alive.