Alive

Growing up

GROWING UP
growing up i was told to be a good kid to live my life and be free to follow my heart

growing up i was told that beauty is a girls most powerful tool that anything i wanted i just had to show it but i didn't knew what that meant i mean i was only 3

growing up i was told that i'll be a great wife who will make a man happy that i had to learn the kitchen like like the palm of my hand

i was told told to dress to impress to wear skirts short and dresses i mean boys like it like that right a hot girl girl with no capacity to think and almost nothing on that seems to turn them on.
well at least that what i was told but what did i knew
i was only six when i felt the pain of a million walls breaking down i felt the pain no innocent girl should ever felt 
but you know it was my fault at the end i was wearing a dress.

i was ten i wanted to go away i wanted to end with the little life i got but i dont have the guts to it i still felt alive.

i was 13 looking into myself i was popping pills heroine on my veins bottle of vodka in my hand
trying to cover the scars deep in my wrist that every night seem to open a little more just be feel okay
i was 14 i gave up i pills on the ground my body laying down in the tub red stained water all over the floor

paramedics rush me into the room all i see of blank i'm gone or that's what i wanted to be i played death once again and still felt dead.

i was 15 i forgot what love trust freedom was i was told to be a good girl but what had that lead me to i was told to be what a boy likes but i was just a mess anger every corner in my room the many holes made my the little in me

but is alright i'm just another stupids trying to be something else

growing up i was told to be happy that girls like me will be free
growing up i wanted to die i hadnt live life yet and i hated myself for trusting my mind.

now im 16 im not okay i'm still dead but slow slow i became who im
i seem to wrestle life and not just in the matt
growing up for me was hell was the living nightmare
but you know i'm up to no good in this world

i'm growing dead since day one .