The Way My Life Is

Running into my bedroom throwing myself onto the bed,laying there with my heart pounding. I had another rough day. Reaching into my side table draw I pulled out my diary and continued searching for my pencil. My cell phone buzzed, ending the search for my pencil and answering the text message. It was from Kyle . He asked for the house number saying he had something important to ask me. Replying with the number and a windy face. I reached over turning on my stereo to full blast, reached back into the draw and felt the pencil. Grabbing it and my diary ,I started to write.

Dear diary,

Today was rough . The truth came put about who I really am. I am the brightest star in the sky that is alway recking people's confidence. I don't notice it because I am being selfish and selfless. Some days I really just want to disappear because of the way people treat me. But today I leaned why people treat me the way they do. I learned that I make people feel bad about themselves. I do it without realizing. People don't care about how you are the smartest or have such a busy life. They care about being connected at the same level and having the same amount confidence. Being on the top is really hard, teachers and my parents don't make feel ordinary. But I'm also selfless. I help people when they don't need helping.

I snapped back into reality when the house phone started ringing and my mom calling for me.

"Hunny, phone for you."

"Coming!"

Rushing down that stairs, I was busting with curiosity.

"Hello?" Answering breathlessly.

"Hey, it Kyle. I didn't want to do this over Facebook because it not the same. So, you like movies ,right? And pizza?"

"Yes, I love pizza, it makes my life."

"I was wondering if you want to come over and we could you know what movies and eat pizza. We could have invite, um, ur friends, if you want. Or it can be just us?"

"Just us will be fine, if that's alright, what time do you want me to come over?"

"Come over in at 7ish, and please don't get all dressed up, I like saying you relaxed in comfy clothes."

"Ok, see in you 2 hours."

"See you in a bit."

Walking around the first floor of our home searching for my mom, I see my younger sister on the living room with her cell phone. Lucky duck when I was her age a cell phone was only in my dreams.

Finding mom in the kitchen looking at different TV dinners , I asked her if I could go over to Kyle's house for movies and dinner. She said okay, of course reminding me of the curfew. It was Friday night after all so 12:30 was the time I would be coming home at.

Climbing the stairs thinking about what I was going to wear that would be comfy but cute, reaching my bedroom I plopped down on my vanity seat. Brushing out my long dark hair that I had gotten from the father I had never met, braiding it to the side. Tracing my hazel eyes with eye liner. And brushing on some mascara to my think eyelashes, a feature that I had gotten from my mother.

Heading over to my closest finding my boyfriend sweater, taking it off the the hanger and placing on my bed. Digging through my dresser draw , looking for my leggings. It would be a chilly night. It was already at the end of October, Halloween was in a week. Checking my phone for the time and seeing a new message from Kyle saying I should come when I was ready. It was 5:45 already. I text back with be there in ten.

Going back down the stairs again grabbing the keys to the car and putting on my high heel knee high boots, I was ready. Glancing at my self in the foyer mirror, I looked alright. I was wearing a light grey sweater with black leggings with high red socks that were just peaking out of the top of my boots.

Opening the front door and a calling out a "see you later" , I was off. The cold air hit me and a shiver went through me. I unlocked the car door and readjusted the seat. I reached for the heater as soon as I had turned on the car. I already knew where Kyle lived. I had been to his house for a party a last year.

After driving for a bit, I turned into the drive way and headed up the front walk way.

Kyle and had met as freshman. It never seemed like it would turn into romance but at a end of summer party, we were playing spin the bottle and we kissed. There was sparks and fireworks, but since my previous relationship had ended a few weeks before. I didn't want to date Kyle because i didn't want to make him feel like a rebound.We hung out after that at school and sometimes went to parties together. But I was ready for the friendship to heat up into something more.

As the doorbell rang out its chime I felt a few butterflies in my stomach. Seconds later he was at the door, arms were around me instantly.

"Hi, your here ,come in."

I walked into the house realizing that it was set up for romance. The lights were dim and there were a few candles. We sat down on the couch and he pulled me into him. .Hey,um,do u want me to kiss you?"I nodded and smiled. He leaned in and so did I.

15 minutes later we heard the door bell ring.i pulled down my shirt and sat up. That heated up really fast , I thought to myself . Even though we just had a make out session he was really nervous and gentle when it was happening.

"Pizzas here, after I get the pizza lets watch some movies, ok? Then later after the movie we can make Sundays or I can kiss you." He smiled and walked over to the door.

After paying the pizza guy and setting the pizza down on the table. I reached out to him and started kissing him. I could feel him smile.

"Babe, I have to get the plates."

I laughed and said " Alright, can I start looking through the movies?"

"Yep, um, lets watch something that's not scary?"

"Oh, are you afraid? But I agree with you. I can't handle a scary movie, not tonight."

"I will be right back."

I nodded and started my search. He had around 60 movies to choose from. All on shelves. There were sectioned into romances, romantic comedies and every other genre. I decide on a comedy. Grown ups. I love that movie. I check out the tv , he has the same DVD player. I decide to put in the movie and get it ready. Wondering what was taking Kyle so long, I went into the kitchen. He was standing there making non alcoholic drinks for us.

"Babe, I know you want to make this the perfect date, but I have you and that's all I need."

He turned around and I saw the biggest grin on his face. Then his facial expression changed. He walked over to be and grabbed my wrists. I knew what he saw. The scars. And the fresh wounds.

My life has never been all rainbows and shit. It been hell. I pulled away. A pulled down my selves. I balled my hand into a first. He looked at me for a moment. And he looked me right in the eye and said,

"I know you say your fine, but I know your not." Then he embraced me. I started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" He asked me.

"I can't tell you." I said in between sobs.

He brought me back into the living room and sat me down on the couch and spoke calmly,

"I know you don't trust me, I know your not alright, but I care about you and whe my our ready tell. I will be waiting. I am not going to pry and poke." He rolled up his sweater and he had scars to. Some newer ones, some faded away.

I was going to tell him but not now. Maybe soon. About the broken past and the unclear future.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey,

So yeah , I'm writing two stories at once one more lovey dovey and the other one harsher. I wanted to do something more realistic. This is kinda how my life is. But I don't cut. There will be diary entries in every chapter.

So vote and comment and inbox me,

What should happen next in the story?

~ Rachael