Thorns On My Rose: A Story of the Daughter of Robert Downey Jr. (EDITING)

Chapter 18 - Man Purses Are Satchels

Susan smiled at Robert. Totally ignoring me. And that was fine. If she had looked me in the eye, she might have been on the floor by now.

"Robbie." She breathed.

Robert looked down at me and pulled me towards him, for support. "Susan." He drawled slowly. Something in her eyes seemed to flicker but she recovered, opening her arms.

"Not even a hello?" She asked, walking up to him. He shook his head.

"Nope." I bit my lip to keep from laughing. "Hey, Susan, what ever happened to I don't want to see you again?"

She blinked in surprise. "You didn't... you really didn't mean that, did you?" I shook my head.

"Susan." She looked my way, disdain in her eyes.

"Alana." Robert warned. I turned on him.

"Silencio, Padre." I looked back at Susan.

"Listen, love. It's over. It is, it really is. Boo hoo, tear tear. It ended for you two. It ended when I walked out of that damn room that day. And hopefully, you'll move on gracefully and have the most beautiful mixed babies ever. But you and Rob here are done, man. And you can't change that. You're not fricking Hannah Montana. YOU CAN'T HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH FRICKING WORLDS. The past, thankfully, is the past. We, currently, are in the present. And what that fucking means is, you, and the sexy black guy need to stay the hell out of our lives, and keep him OUT OF MY GODDAMNED POOL!!!!!"

I paused, looking up at Robert who was smiling. "Joint custody of the little booger?" He shook his head.

"Nah. She won't see him until Christmas three and a half years from now,and that's because I was generous." I nodded, looked back at Susan who looked sick.

"Right, then. Sounds fair. Right, love?" I said, mimicking an English accent. "We'll send photographs, darling." Robert choked behind me, but I ignored him.

I walked up to Susan, a smile on my face. "It's funny. It's funny how I'm 'broken as hell' and I end up with your man, my father. I get to see him and your son, live in that gorgeous house, with those amazing horses and... And you end up... Well with some African-American guy that you will probably get rid of once you go and drink off this conversation ." I chuckled.

"Don't mess with me, sweetie. Stay the hell away from me and stay the hell away from the rest of my family. I'm tired of your bull shit. Well, You to be honest, I'm just tired of you, You forget your BS. You are a liar and as fake as the knock-offs at Payless. And I don't ever wanna see you again." I whispered.

I glared at her for a minute and she frowned, tears in her eyes. I smiled, satisfied. I curtsied.

"It's been a fucking pleasure." I said, quoting Robert's line in Due date.

I grabbed Roberts hand and left Susan in the sand, crying her eyeballs out. "What did you say?" He asked.

I let him lead me to the car and smiled. "I didn't say anything to her that I didn't say to the reporter." Robert laughed.

"Alana. That's not funny." I shoved him.

"You're the only one laughing, stupid." Mark hugged me when he saw me and I gasped, patting him twice. God Lee.

"Alright, alright, big guy. Lungs still recuperating." Mark nodded and got in the driver's seat of the Sudan.

Robert rummaged around in his shoulder bag. While I poked at my cast.

"Why don't you just wear, like, a backpack?" He frowned.

"What?" I pointed at the bag.

"It looks like a purse, Padre." He scoffed.

"Um, Lana, last time I checked I sure didn't ask what you though of this bag. And, it's a satchel, not a damn purse." He argued, looking through the bag.

I nodded. "Yea. It's been decided. For your birthday--"

"Do you even know when my birthday is?" He cut me off, taking a break from looking for his stuff to glare at me.

I shrugged. "Wikipedia, Roberto." He rolled his eyes. "Now, as I was saying. For your birthday--" Robert me off again, laughing.

"Why the hell would you go on Wikipedia when you could just ask me??" I sighed.

"Dammit, CREEPER!!! Stop fucking interrupting me. I'm talking about what I'm going to get you for your birthday and you keep interrupting me and its fricking rude!!"

He smiled, nodding. "Right, sorry." Mark chuckled in the driver's seat and I glared at him in the rear view mirror. He stopped quickly.

I softened. "Now. Like I was saying, before I was rudely cut off for a second time, for your birthday I'm going to get you a very masculine backpack and then burn all your purses, 'cause I know you have like seven of those." He smirked, finally finding his phone.

"Burn them, Rose?"

I nodded eagerly. "Hell yeah. Have like a little cremation ceremony for those thingys." He smiled, putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking at me with those crazy eyes. "Burn them on what?"

I looked at him like he was stupid. "You have a barbeque pit. We will put them in there, put a little lighter fluid. Toss maybe six matches in there. No, no, no. We could light each on fire! That way, for sure, they would burn up."

Robert laughed. "Lana, dear. I'm not burning my SATCHELS any time soon." I sighed.

"Padre, this is why people think you're gay. It's because you walk around with fricking man-bags, calling them 'satchels'." He smiled, scrolling through his phone.

"I thought it was because I kiss more men than women." I shrugged.

"That's... disturbing. Though, it would be quite interesting if you were bi, Padre." Robert rolled his eyes, dialling a number on his IPhone.

"I'm fully straight. Thank you very much." He smiled and I roller my eyes.

"Hello?" He said into the phone. I looked out the tinted window, glad we were finally leaving.

"Hi, honey. How are you?" I raised a brow.

Oh, shit. Was he already dating? Really, Robert? I shook my head.

"No, She's fine. She's doing great actually. A quicker recovery than the doctor thought, actually." He looked down at his lap, listening.

"Yep. We are on our way to L.A. now, actually." He smiled. "Thank you. I'm, um, actually calling you because I was wondering if you could come over."

I watched as Robert's face lit up. "Yes, you'll get to meet her... Okay... yes... Fantastic. Well, we will probably be there in maybe an hour and a half. I have to go back to the hotel and get my stuff, but then we will be heading that way." He nodded.

"Yep. Alright, can't wait... don't be, sweet heart, you'll do fine. Alright. Bye-bye." He was still grinning. Like a big goofball.

I giggled and he frowned at me. "What?"

"Who the heck was that?"

He grinned. "Good friend of mine. Gwyneth Paltrow."