The fear of being lost in pain
for the rest of forever
forgetting what it feels like
to be happy, healthily vulnerable,
and graciously strong,
it has me bound and baffled.
Shrouded in the steel cocoon,
what breaks steel?
I'll have to Google that.
This is where I am,
in the brutal afterbirth
of fierce sorrow
and
the stench of fear,
it's energy is palpable all
around me...
my thoughts punish me for
getting lost in this,
for allowing me to be controlled
by this ultimate, manipulative,
divisive, slanderous, and slimy
captor.
I am giving this beast power,
buying into it,
beating myself,
and trying desperately to
let it serve me well,
turn it into my subservient
instead of allowing it to take the reigns.
