To: Nadine

From: James

"Okay, Father... start po tayo sainyo, then sa vows ninyo guys, take your time, no rush.." Direk said.

I nodded, still keeping my eyes on her, half concentrating on keeping the tears from falling. It wasn't like I had a monologue, the next two words were very easy to say. Without a doubt, easiest dialogue I've ever said in the show.

I didn't need to internalize Clark. Or ask what he would do.

"I do..." I said, smiling as I heard her say the same thing earlier.

I took a deep breath in as I started on the vows I worked on earlier today. I have to admit, I had absolutely no idea what a vow sounded like or how to write one. But as  asked for help and the more advise I got, what I understand is basically what I want to say to her. My promise, my declaration, my love for her. As I wrote it down, I can't help but capture what I feel for her as Leah. And mostly, as Nadine.

Ang tagal ko itong hinintay...

She had a huge wall up for the longest I can remember. Can I blame her though? Especially after all she's been through. All of the promises from people who eventually left her thinking there was something to go back to...

But it was all worth the wait... It was worth every tear...

She cried because of me. There were times when she did and I knew. I knew what I was doing and I hurt her.

That one night came and made me realize that it wasn't much of a world to live in, if she isn't in it. I cried. Realizing that it was stupid. Many other things were stupid. But I know better now.

And every smile...

The ones where I would almost fall on my face in the efforts to see. The smiles that every tickle and stupid videos would give her. The small ones when I whisper words she pretends are too cheesy for her, but I know she's secretly loves. And the smile she puts on my face, just because of her very existence.

Her smile got smaller as she realized that this wasn't just Clark talking. I smile in return as I see a tear fall, her eyes searching my face, asking questions.

It was worth every slap...

A slap would've been alot easier to take than the painful silence she'd give me. The unsual coldness she unintentionally makes me feel when I know I did something stupid again. A slap was nothing compared to the days where I can't sit still because she hasn't talked to me in days.

She smiled even more now, getting all the deeper meaning of ever word I've been saying.

And every kiss...

That's how her forgiveness felt like. When she finally talks to me after who knows how many excruciating hours or days, that's how it felt. It was better than any other kiss the world can offer. Because once again, all was right. Even though I have done so many things wrong.

Every sad and every happy memory... It was worth every time that I lost you, just to find myself back in your arms again...

And those are the days I thanked God for her. Everytime I would think, 'she's done with me, she's never gonna take me back after this...', she proves me wrong. Time and time again, she showed me how much of a better person I can be. She showed me that when the world that I loved, lived and breathed in turned it's back on me, she's waiting behind me, with open arms.

And I'm never leaving her again. I want to show her that I'm here to stay and if I have to prove that to her every now and then, so be it.

"Ngayon... ngayong nandito ka na at nandito ako... Hindi ko inakala na.. na mas magiging masaya ako..."

We both didn't expect it. We were just two people, paired together in the name of entertainment. Friends, who then cared for each other more than a friend would. People who went through hell to figure out they both needed to realize alot of things.

I didn't know I could be this happy either, Nadine.

Destiny doesn't always decide everything...

It's true. Alot of people have told me, that being paired with Nadine and the success it brought us was much like destiny. But it can only do so much.

It only gives us a little push in the right direction.

And it pushed, alright. Pushed more than a few times for me to finally realize. Recognize what was right in front of me. It pushed just right after almost two years to show me what I didn't even know I needed.

Whether we risk it or not was completely up to us. It had done it's job.

We decide... If it's worth fighting for.

The very thought of her, loving her, caring for her, having to call her mine... was more than enough to fight for. To risk it all. Everything that I had right now.

Worth waiting for...

And I did. Until she was ready. At that time, I didn't know when that would happen. Given the things I've done, who knows when she'd be ready to trust me, to consider me, to love someone like me.

And Leah... You are worth every fight.

You are worth every wait.

I want her to know that she is. I would fight every demon I have, every fibre of my old self. Fight and show every person who doubts me. Doubts her.

She could have had me wait for a year more, two or five. As long as I have her in my life, I would wait as long as it would take her. As long as she asks for.

Her tears were rolling now, from one cheek to the other. And I can see that she knows.

My promise to you...

And I really do promise, Nadine.

Is that my love will always be greater than the time I must wait.

It will always be greater than any doubt that people will say. Greater than any person that comes our way, whether they maybe coming from behind or ahead. It will always be greater.

And the distance I must travel to be with you.

She knows all this. I've showed her. Told her. Through ways even I didn't know was possible. Ways I never knew. Ways that up til now didn't even exist.

The last words of this vow is the most important thing I want her to remember. From this moment and the ones after...

Sa'yo lang ako.