Never in my life.
Never in my life did I ever think I'd be this nervous for a character. For Clark. All we needed to do was walk and smile. Probably one of the simplest instructions I've had.
But here I am. Shaking. Nervously shaking. Staring at the wooden door that she's waiting behind.
Never in my life did I think the words 'Action!' would excite me enough to feel as if my feet were being lifted off the ground.
I stared at the floor, my shoes and my pants. Albie's shoes and the hems of his pants, anything to keep my mind from breaking the reel-ness of this and actually losing Clark in the process.
I'm Clark. Clark Medina. Not James. You're getting married to Leah. Leah Olivar. Well, Medina now...
I start to repeat it in my head.
Clark. Not James. Clark. Not James. Clark. Not-
As the doors break open, so does my focus. My eyes can't miss it, her. And I don't think they ever will.
The sight of her. The very sight of her. Nadine, behind that veil, petal from her head up to the very hems of her dress, gracing her body.
No force in the world can ever get me to take my eyes off her.
With all the places I've been, all the things I've seen, experienced and done, nothing compares seeing her walk down, eyes locked with mine.
My eyes stayed with her each step she took. I don't even dare to blink. I'm not sure if I'm still in awe or because I'm trying to keep my tears from falling, because dammit, we haven't even gotten to the talking part yet.
She's getting close. And as if I wasn't in awe of her already, seeing her this close, makes me hear things, like my heart about to jump out of my chest.
I've seen her in many gowns before. OTWOL gave that advantage. You'd think I'd get used to that. But this time... this time was different.
Sure the gown was amazing. Stunning, even. It made her look like royalty, I wanted to bow down in front of her.
Behind that veil, was still her. Leah or Nadine, it was the face of the woman that showed me how much more I can be. Cascading petals on her shoulders down to her chest, the flowing train behind her and the bouquet were simply accessories, giving highlight to the true beauty of the moment, Nadine. My Nadine.
I've lost all grip that I had trying to internalize Clark. Right now, at this very moment, I can't think of anything else but her. Nadine and I. In this church. And how impossible it is for God to give me such a person despite the many stupidities I've done.
And just like that, I felt a tear on the verge of dropping.
I wanted it to be slower, as slow as it can possibly be for her to get to where I was standing, afraid that I might not take it all in enough to create the perfect memory.
Soon enough though, she was a hand away. After exchanging hugs and 'mano po's' as done traditionally, I looked at her, trying to remember if this was still Clark and Leah. Maybe, maybe not.
As she links her hand to my arm, we walk up to the altar and stopped to face each other. I could feel her eyes slowly tracing my face. And before I could try harder to be Clark, Direk called cut.
We were to stand by and I knew she was gonna ask. And by I ask, I meant raise her eyebrows and tilt her head slightly. I knew what she meant, though.
"Wow. You look amazing..." in my nervousness, it came out in a whisper.
Her eyebrows furrowed, in the cutest way and my most favorite way. And I replied with a smile, saying, "I'm okay..."
