Haunted

Rootless Tree

"Sorry, I'm drunk," Maddox said as soon as The Singer opened his front door. He thought he'd played it off in front of Steve just long enough to get on the elevator but he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up.

"Even better," The Singer laughed. Maddox grinned and started kissing him.

He was pretty sure it was the best sex he'd ever had but for some reason The Singer laughed when he admitted that.

"You'll learn," The Singer said. Maddox rolled over to face him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Dax," The Singer smiled. "Want a Pop Tart? I bought you more of those awful plain strawberry ones you like."

"They're not awful, they're fucking amazing," Maddox insisted. "I could probably eat the whole box right now, I'm starving."

"No, I love you too much to let you make that mistake," The Singer laughed as Maddox followed him to the kitchen.

"This is a thing now, isn't it?" Maddox asked when The Singer put one chocolate and one strawberry Pop Tart in front of him.

"Yes, it's our thing," The Singer nodded and kissed him.

"So how come we have things," Maddox couldn't be completely sure he was making sense. "And you love me, and you give me green juice," Maddox tried to remember everything. "But you won't be my boyfriend?"

"Because it's against the law," The Singer spoke slowly, like Maddox was suddenly stupid and not just drunk.

"No, fuck that," Maddox shook his head. "I mean you won't be a secret boyfriend but you're like a secret boyfriend."

"I'm better because I let you have a real boyfriend too," The Singer tried to feed Maddox a bite of Pop Tart. Maddox dodged.

"Wait, no," Maddox protested. "Because Eli says if I'm going to be with him I have to give you up."

"Fuck Eli, do what you want," The Singer shrugged. "Who's Eli?"

"Eli, you know, from Georgia," Maddox was pretty sure everyone knew Eli.

"I don't have any clue what you're talking about. Are you fucking him too?"

"No," Maddox shook his head. "Would you be mad?"

"No, I think it would be hot to see you with another guy," The Singer grinned.

"Really?" Maddox's head was so fuzzy it was hard to understand things. "No, but Eli likes me a lot and we met when I was on tour because he tried to kill himself."

"Oh god, he's a fan? Dax, this is a bad idea."

"No, he's a friend now," Maddox insisted. "And he's coming to visit, and I was gonna ask him to be my boyfriend but I just decided I'd rather have you."

"Maddox, I'm not your boyfriend," The Singer shook his head. "I will never be your boyfriend, do you understand that?"

"No."

"I love you, Dax, as much as I can possibly love another person but I can never be the kind of boyfriend you should have," The Singer said. "Especially right now because this is illegal."

"You always say you're no good but you're good to me," Maddox protested. "Please, I love you so much, just tell me what I have to do."

"Maddox."

"Please? I would do anything you asked," Maddox insisted. "You love me, right?"

"I love you," The Singer nodded. "That's why I'm saying no. If you really want a boyfriend it sounds like this Eli kid is perfect."

"No but he's not you," Maddox shook his head. "Please, I'll do anything."

"Dax," The Singer shook his head. "Can you stay tonight? Or do you have to go home?"

"Why do you care?" Maddox demanded. "You say you love me but not enough to be with me."

"Maddox, you know why that is," The Singer protested. "Come on, don't do this."

"I love you so much, you don't get it," Maddox wasn't sure how he'd gotten so angry so fast but he was. "You're like everything to me and I'm just some stupid kid to you."

"Dax, please."

"No, I'm done," Maddox decided. "I'm going," he got up and tried to find all his clothes.

"Please don't leave like this."

"Then tell me we can be together," Maddox said. "I'll stay if you say that."

"I can't," The Singer shook his head.

"Then I'm going," Maddox pulled his shirt on and got stuck for a second. The Singer had to help him get it right.

"I really love you, Maddox, I'm sorry."

Maddox took a deep breath and gave him what he hoped was his best goodbye kiss. He knew he was too drunk but he hoped maybe it was still pretty awesome.

"I wish I meant anything to you," Maddox whispered and turned to leave.

The Singer didn't chase after him or even call his name as he left the apartment. Steve was waiting in the lobby and Maddox tried to act normal until they got home.

It looked like Kylie's party was completely over. Even the catering vans were gone. Maddox went to the kitchen to find leftovers and helped himself to a big slice of cake. He had another beer to go with it before he stumbled upstairs.

His phone started vibrating as he got into his room but Maddox ignored it. He didn't want to talk to anyone, all he wanted was to go to bed. But he felt all wrong as he thought back through everything that had just happened. Had he really just broken up with The Singer? Could he even call it that since they weren't together in the first place?

Maddox's stomach tightened and he wondered if maybe he was going to throw up. He stumbled to the bathroom, just in case, and though he knew it was stupid he started crying. How many times had The Singer warned him this would happen? How many times had The Singer told him that they couldn't be together? How could he be so dumb?

As much as he knew it was a terrible idea because he could barely even see straight, Maddox grabbed his razor blade and pulled it over his stomach as fast as he could, again and again. He felt lightheaded almost immediately and decided he had to sit down.

Normally he was so careful not to spill blood anywhere but when he hit the floor Maddox knew something was very wrong. There was too much blood this time and he'd dropped his shirt right on the cuts so there was a bright red spot blooming across the front of his white t-shirt. He could feel his head tilting to one side and his vision getting blurry even though he was sitting down.

"Dax?" Kylie whispered. Maddox wanted to answer her and tell her not to come in but he didn't think his mouth was working. It was too late anyway. A few seconds later Kylie screamed.

"No," Maddox protested but the word didn't seem to reach Kylie's ears. He saw her kneeling and he tried to lift his head but it didn't work. She was touching him, looking under his shirt.

"Dax, why?" Kylie was crying. "This is all my fault," she shook her head. Maddox wanted to tell her she was wrong and ask why she would ever think that that but his vision fuzzed again and then everything went black.