Life After Rehab ✓

[Chapter Fifty-Two] Where Songs Are Written

She understood that it was the songs, the music and it was her that made me feel like a person again. Sitting in a studio with her felt right, it was the only time I truly felt like myself. I loved hearing her voice, seeing her play and listening to her lyrics and I loved that she enjoyed being there. I didn't mind singing in front of her anymore either.

"How do you feel?" she asked me and she kept her eyes on the keys in front of her.

"I don't know. Angry, ashamed and disappointed in myself seem to be the ones that stand out the most." Honesty was the only thing that would get me through this, lying did my life no good.

"I'm not ashamed of you, you know. Angry and disappointed maybe but it's been a month and it's mostly faded into concern. I know you're working hard in therapy, I just wish you would share it with me more without Robert. Last month you said that we didn't need a babysitter to talk, well maybe you should take that little bit of advice." We never talked about me unless it was in therapy with Robert or he was discussing me with her.

"You're right. I feel guilty every time I look at you. I really hurt you and after everything you've done for me and everything you've been through, I just feel like I'm holding you back. I feel like I make your life so much worse and I can't understand why you love me." she was peeking over at me when I looked up.

"You did hurt me. I thought that Kimberly hurt but she now seems so incredibly insignificant. I should have seen it and I didn't. I've been there, I've wanted to end everything before and I should have been able to see it for you and I should have been able to see it in Lacey. I know this isn't about me but it still did hurt emotionally." I got up and walked over to the piano bench and sat next to her.

"My decision had nothing to do with you and I'm sorry about that." I grabbed her hand and she looked at me confused.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked me and I pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry because you should have had everything to do with it. I wasn't thinking when I did it: Getting drunk and tossing away my sobriety again, yes; suicide no. I want so badly to look in the mirror and see something worth seeing again." I used to feel like I was on top of the world and now I feel less than nothing.

"Come here." She grabbed my hand and I followed her over to a mirror. I didn't want to look in it.

"Don't do this." I asked of her and she stepped closer to me and then I was looking in her eyes instead of at the floor.

"You have a great body and are really attractive. I've never had an issue with being tempted until I've been with you. Your eyes are insanely blue and this stubble makes you look even more handsome, look." My eyes met the cool blue reflection of them and I took in the color of my eyes and just now noticed that I probably should shave.

Her fists gripped my shirt and she pulled it over my head and stood to the side. I knew that I worked out a lot and I was in decent shape. Working out was always my way to deal with anger and now with living with with her, a lot of excess energy.

"Muscles are muscles." I wasn't impressed by them; I could probably spend more time in the gym

"Are you kidding? Physically you are." she stopped there and her cheeks reddened, that made me smile.

"I'm what?" I asked and her lips curved too and she shook her head

"You're attractive." She mumbled

"Am I?" I asked and her eyes lingered on my arms and abs before nodding.

"Stop it distracting me, I'm trying to make a point." I pulled my shirt back on