Pieces

Rain

I'm dripping wet with rain that comes down in shining sheets, glistening and happy. You take my hand, slippery, but warm, and we run. We splash through the puddles which hold our reflections and laugh, catching raindrops in our mouths. Then you stop to look at me, your eyes shining with pure joy. We kiss. A wet kiss full of laughter that makes my soul soar. 

I can't describe this moment, the feeling that this memory holds. My heart is ready to burst from all the feeling it possesses, but can't let out. So instead I wash my face, dry my eyes and go to school. I pay attention to every word, every syllable of everything anyone says. I study the ways their mouths move, but they remind me of yours, so I graph inequalities and conjugate Italian verbs instead. I block out your eyes by avoiding everyone else's, and keep mine focused on the notes I'm writing. I avoid silence by talking. I fill my days with noise and work, noise and work, falling into routine. And slowly, slowly, I forget to remember...

Days, weeks, months go by. Faster and faster the pages on my calendar rip away until they are only a picture on my mirror, a grade on a paper, a forgotten wad of gum. I stick to my routine. I'm used to the constant noise day and night, and I forget what quiet is. I work and get good grades. My parents are proud. Look at this report card! Isn't she amazing? They say it over and over until I'm convinced that I am amazing. And I work harder. I've forgotten everything else but this. 

There's a tap on my window. Another. Another. Then all at onece a dull, persistent pounding. 

Rain. 

I remember. I remember your eyes, clear and happy. I squeeze mine shut, but it only makes the memories more vivid. I remember your laugh, so absolutely filled with pure joy. I stuff my knuckles in my mouth to keep the thing in my throat from making a noise. I remember your soft lips, the wet kiss, the warmth of your hand in mine, the rain falling in sheets around our bodies, melting them into one, and I feel myself breaking, shattering into jagged pieces as I remember how it felt to love.

I'm drowning. Drowning in the happy rain that once belonged to us. For the first time in months I remember, and I feel.