but, I wasn't ready to say goodbye ~phan~

Goner

him and i.

we are best friends.

we have the brightest days.

he is sometimes sad.

i am sometimes sad.

he is sometimes happy.

i am sometimes happy.

i don't mind being sad.

he doesn't mind being sad.

at least I think he doesn't
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

her and him.

they were in love.

I didn't mind her.

she was pretty.

and he was happy with her.

and if he was happy, I was happy.
~~~~~~
him and her.

they were growing closer.

but he forgot me.

he brought her home.

it was nice, for a little while.

I liked having a guest.

but I thought she was only a guest.

she moved in with us.

he started doing things with her.

things that only me and him did.

they went to town.

they walked around parks.

they met new people.

I was never invited.
~~~~~~~~~
him and I fought.

it was her fault.

she took him from me.

him and I fought.

he ended up moving out with her.

but he was happy.

and I pretended I was too.

but all I could feel was sadness.
~~~~~~~~~
me and her

she made me jealous.

him and I never talked anymore.

whenever I saw his blue eyes.

they made me think.

I thought of all the the times.

the times I made him stop crying.

the way.

his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

the way that only I could do that.

but he was happy with her.

without me.

and I was happy.

because he was.
~~~~~~~~~~
he and I.

we talked.

on the phone.

it was a year since we had spoken.

he forgot.

forgot the way he ate my ceral.

forgot the way our walls were thin.

forgot what his room looked like.

forgot what we had.

but I didn't forget the hurt.

but I didn't tell him that.

because he was happy.

and I was sad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
him and I.

the one thing that made me happy.

now made me sad.

his happiness was stifling.

he was happy.

but I was sad.

because his heart had turned.

he didn't care.

for the first time in my life.

I heard him say "I don't care"

he is happy.

and I am not

but that's not okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
me and me.

I'm alone now.

he is gone.

I thought he was happy.

but he was sad.

he was as blue as his pills.

the same ones that saved him.

also took him.

I'm in a black suit and black tie.

he's in a white suit and blue tie.

it was his favorite.

I am numb.

he is dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
him and me.

I could have prevented this.

but he was ignoring me.

so I was ignoring him.

it was his fault.

and my own.

it was her fault.

and my own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
him and i.

we were best friends.

we had the brightest days.

he was sometimes sad.

i was sometimes sad.

he was sometimes happy.

i was sometimes happy.

i didn't mind being sad.

he didn't mind being sad.

at least I thought he didn't.

but it was too late to know he did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

R.I.P.
PHILIP MICHAEL LESTER
1.30.1987- 2.1.2016

may you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you are dead

he was survived by his brother, Martyn Lester, mother, father, girlfriend, Grace Zealand, and his partner in crime, brother and best friend, Daniel Howell.