HAMSTEAK FANFIC OF AWESOME

Shit happens

Jade's nose twitched. She'd picked up the scent of the vampire she'd been hunting over and over again, only to loose it again. Stupid, stupid speed.

Right now, though, the scent penetrating her nose was a lot darker than a vampire's would be. She couldn't place it but it was incredibly thick and... Red. Cherry red. Yet still dark. It was weird. Red was a really bright color, why was she smelling darkness? Weird.

She turned the corner and was incredibly disappointed. It was bloody shit. No wonder.

Wait. No, the pile of bloody shit wasn't shit. It was a body. She transformed into a human and walked towards it slowly.

"Uh, hello?"

The pile groaned.

"Stupid fucking vampires," it hissed trying to get up.

Dave swooped in. "I am not stupid or fucking goodbye" and then flew away.

"We'll, that was eventful," the pile groaned. Turns out, it wasn't a pile but actually a person.

"Who and what are you?" Jade asked, very pertrubed.

"I'm a fucking demon, leave me alone," the person/pile replied.

Jade thought demon=vampire she called the demon busters  (DB) and 14 seconds later they crashed through the wall and hit john who was pissing on the wall.

The D.B. Took out a rocket launcher and shot the human/demon/pile. The thing ate the D.B. Including john still pissing (problem:D ) jade took a vacuum cleaner and sucked up the bloody shit with johns dick still sticking up.

"MY DINKY DOO" screams john

the bloody shit is making sounds that sound along the lines of "grawghjrkfffkdkfkfjdka"

Jade looked around the place and she saw a name tag with boner written on it she thought that was the demon's name so she called him boner and boner responded as I am not boner I am carcat u asshole.

"Ok boner whatever you say"

"feck u"

johns face looks like a cats expression after it has just been pissed on and strapped to a unicycle and pushed down a hill. "MY DICK IS ON FIRE"

Suddenly light came from the sky and it shone down on the dick and he got a mind of his own his balls were his leg and his dick was his every thing else.

John turned into a human penis.

"What the fick" says the bloody shit

Jade is stunned. It is the most wonderful and majestic thing she has ever seen. Tears fill her eyes.

"I will put you in a museum" jade declares

enter Dave. He sees the human love stick john and nearly faints. It is too bright for his delicate eyes even with his sick shades

When you look at john the human dick you can hear hallelujah playing in the background. Christ has come back only to declare this walking penis holy.

Jade, Dave and the bloody shit bow down to john. I'm not sure how the bloody shit pile could possibly have bowed but he did. He is the new god. World peace is finally achieved. Homelessness is no longer a problem. The republicans are dead.

To be concluded