The Writes of My life time.

Disappearance

                             Do you ever feel like you could disappear in to-for example- a dark corner? How about disappearing into a closet that has a door. You could potentially close the door and keep everything and anything that could hurt you out. Lies, People that say things they do not mean to hurt you, broken friendships. Maybe for some it's a  Family, boyfriend, or even emotional problem. All of those supposedly can be "fixed" by counseling. Ha. Yeah right, the word fix makes it sound like we are all broken dolls, machines even that have broken before we are "packaged" off to the world to do its bidding. I of course am like ever other depressed teenage girl. I hate my face, my body, how weak am I, How stupid I can be when talking to other people, and I hate that I can never say the right thing at the right time. I feel like I want and need to be someone else, I am this person who refuses to change. I am basically rebelling against myself. For reasons I do not comprehend. I wish I could change, but I will fight myself for that change.  

                 I know must of that is not new to anyone here. I  mean if you are reading this, you either have your own problems and are here to see if I am having those same problems, or you are just bored with your prefect life and want to see how the "sad and poor" people are dealing. Or hey you're just reading it because you can, in which case I am very sorry I just insulted you. Anyway. I hate my life, we have go over this. Though, it is more than just my life. I hate the Idea of becoming just like another person. I want to be my own person. I am either compared to my mother or someone who has the complete opposite personality off me.  Or I could find myself in a situation where I feel like an out cast. I'm not good enough, bad friend, Fat, ugly, annoying, stupid, have no place in the world. You all know. The depressing, most likely leads to suicidal thoughts kind of thinking. It's awful especially when you have become aware how little your family cares about you. Even though they "Love" you. It's not the "I'm going to buy you whatever you need to make you better" or even the "it's okay honey we are here for you" It the whole, "I am tired of your rambling about random things I don't care about" and " Unintentional Name calling that hurts." Like you smell bad and I love you but you are a slob.  That is when I lose my mind. I feel like I am not good enough and the whole Ass Hat of depressing thoughts falls down.