A comment on vegans

Vegans.

Have you ever noticed people who's names disappear as they adopt a lifestyle? Pisses me off immensley.

'Hey I'm Adam, it's nice to meet you'

'Hey I'm a vegan, great to meet you too'

No.

Your parents gave you a name for a reason, a word to carry you your whole life, but no all of a sudden it's replaced by some self righteous life change that apparently overrules your whole legacy.

'Hey I'm Adam'

'Hey I'm a youtuber'

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe 'vegan' is a name now, in which case I apologise. Also, how on earth do I respomd to it?

'Hey, I'm Adam'

'Hey, I'm a vegan'

'Oh really? Not me! I consumed three different species of animal in just one meal last night!'

I have nothing against most vegans, don't get me wrong, I know some lovely ones, but it's interesting trivia, not a goddamn identity! You are not a superhero, this isn't Scott Pilgrim. I rememeber especially well a date with a girl who was a vegan, we went to a small restaurant in the evenening and as soon as the waitress came and showed us the menus, my date spoke.

'Actually, I'm vegan. May I see the vegan menu?'

The waitress scurried away as if she had been administered an electric shock, and returned with a new menu, practically carried on a silk cushion, and as she took it I couldn't stop myself imagining our waitress backtracking, head bowed down in respect, chanting over and over under her breath 'Hail the vegan hail the vegan hail the vegan'

When I looked back across to my date, I noticed that her menu had gold edges. I want gold edges.

There is an air of smugness to the whole thing I think, some pomposity. I always imagine one of these strange creatures meeting another member of their kind and being quite upset, dissuaded even.

'Hey, I'm a vegan'

'Hey, I'm also a vegan'

'Oh'

'I see'

'I'll be on my way'

Ridiculous.