When I Loved Him

Chapter 1

I looked around me, my nose runny from my crying. My vision blurry from all the tears. My throat burning from my sobs. My cheek stinging. My heart empty.

When I cried I never questioned why I was crying, because crying is natural. But now that's all what clouded my mind. Why? What did I do? What made him do it? But still I never came up with an answer, so I just sat there and cried while he yelled and threw whatever was around him, anywhere. At the wall, in the kitchen, at me.

It amazes my how just the other day he was the man of my dreams, the reason why I laughed, the reason I'm still alive, and the love of my life. And now, he was my nightmares, the reason I cry, the reason I think about death, and the only reason I could ever feel hate.

I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, I couldn't even think. I just sat there and cried, watching the man I used to love, destroy our home. The home he once made for us, when I still loved him.

It's funny to think, days ago I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man, take his last name, and have a child with him, now I want nothing to do with this man.

The man who saved me from ending my own life, the man who made me happy. The man who made me feel safe and protected, was now the man who made me rethink my life, made me rethink my happiness, the man who is making me scared and the only man who hurt me.

The man who told me he loved me, the man who told me he would never hurt me, was the only man to hurt me.

He continued yelling and screaming, telling me horrid things I never thought I would hear from him. It terrified me.

Sure we had fights or he would get drunk, but it was never like this. When we fought we would yell at each other, then I would listen to my music in the tree house he made for me when I wanted to read. He would go to our room to watch sports or whatever movie was playing. When he was drunk he would stumble in, I would ask why he was drinking and he wouldn't answer, just lay on the couch and sleep. I decided to ignore it since it rarely happend, him drinking. But I always wanted to know why he drank, but i kept to myself.

I don't even know what had caused him to act like this, I was alone all day while he worked, I had quit my job because he told me 'It's a mans job to provide for his woman,' and provide he did. While he was working I wanted to do something special, I cleaned the whole house, made his favorite meal for dinner, dressed up in a red dress, his favorite color, and put lillys on the table, also his favorite flower. I was sitting on our couch reading my favorite book, waiting for his arrival. When he did make it home I opened the door with a big smile and that's when he lost control, and started wrecking everything I loved about this home.

So, here I sat, my dress ripped, my hair knotted, my sobs echoing threw his yelling, my face dripping with blood, a million questions clouding my thoughts, with the man I used to love, now becoming the man I hate and fear.