The Earring

Book 4 Part 8

"I want the chance to let love grow," Faith thought. "But do I want it enough to work at keeping it alive like they did?"

#

The bed and breakfast was near the mountains. There was a hot tub in the back yard. For the first time I experienced sitting in a heated tub while snow fell. David and I slept in every morning. We had a sumptuous breakfast and then went exploring. We went sledding. We went to the ski hills and drank tea while we watched the graceful skiers glide down the slopes. We drove to Lake Louise and enjoyed the ice sculptures and skated on the frozen lake.

When we returned, I should have been rested, but I wasn't. I started spotting. I became scared. A cousin had died of cervical cancer, while another was recovering from uterine cancer. They both had abnormal periods and spotting before being diagnosed. I made an appointment with the doctor. After a thorough examination and a series of tests, the doctor made an appointment for me to return in a week. When I walked into his office, I was relieved to see that he was smiling. I sat down on the edge of my chair.

"Well, Mrs. Lander," he said. "I have a diagnosis, and I'm pleased to tell you that your problem is easy to fix."

"Am I anemic?" I asked, the relief evident in my voice.

"Yes, you are, but that is a symptom, not your problem. In nine months, your anemia will be a thing of the past. You're pregnant, Mrs. Lander."

Dumbfounded, I just sat there. Then I burst into tears.

"That's impossible," I sobbed. "David had a vasectomy six years ago."

"Didn't the doctor tell you that some vasectomies fail, even years after the surgery."

"Yes, but I can't be pregnant."

"Why not? You're not having an affair are you?"

"What? An affair? Of course not."

"Then you shouldn't be afraid to tell your husband that you're pregnant."

"I'm not afraid, doctor. I just wasn't expecting this. It's not what we planned. It's not a good time."

"It's early. You could abort."

"I would never abort."

"In that case, I'll give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins with extra iron and see you in a month."

#

That was a relief. Faith suddenly realized that ever since Zach hung up, in the back of her mind she'd been wondering if her mother had tried to abort her. Maybe that was one of the family secrets he'd hinted at. Her mother hadn't even entertained the idea of an abortion. Had her Daddy suggested one? She quickly returned to the journal.

#

I took the prescription and left the doctor's office. I drove aimlessly around Billings. Finally I found my way to the top of the rim and sat at lookout point, where the kids went to make out. I leaned against the steering wheel in my gradually cooling car and sobbed. I pounded the seat and cried out, "Why God? Why is this happening? Everything is going so well. David has a challenging job. With the boys in school, I have time to write. My writing and speaking career is taking off. I am enjoying the youth at the church. I don't need another child. I don't."

Silence followed my tirade. I felt that my words were trapped inside my car. I rolled down the window and hollered, "Can you hear me now?"

Finally, I drove home.