The Monster Named Depression

Alcoholic Love

  I am back in the same pit of despair that I was a year and three weeks ago

The drug that was your hazel eyes

Still lingers in the depths of my mind

I can't escape the fear of abandonment

The words that my father repeated to my four year old self

"You'll never be loved, you're not good enough, just end your life"

It was you that changed my way of thinking

You that I let make home in my veins

And now that you have abandoned me I must carve you out and forget your name

I cannot let someone love me

I cannot taste the burn of alcoholic love again

Every time that I laid my eyes on you

The whole world lit up

And that smile that haunts me

Those eyes that still taunt meThey won't let me love

I only feel the left over burn of alcoholic love

Night in and night out I promise I'm okay

But I've been drinking poison

Burning my internal organs just to forget

The memory of your lips on my body

Fueling a fire down my throat to my gut

Your hands on my skin and your ghost in my ears

I cannot love again

Can I just forget the monster you became

You sent me to my already dug grave

And you leaving just made me lose myself again

In your grasp I once had a homeBut now it appears that I am homeless

Because since you moved to that cold stateYour demeanor has grown colder too

And I have tried everything in my powerYet I still can't bring myself to despise you

You were my alcoholic love

And I still tried my best to love you

But you shattered the bottle I was drinking

While I was holding yours together I'm sorry that I couldn't have been better

My alcoholic lover