If It Weren't For Him (BoyxBoy)

Chapter ten

My father may try to hid his pain and suffering from me all he could, but I can see through his mask every time I look at him. He has still, not yet recovered from losing her, and I was uncertain if he ever would.

I hoped that one day he would. That one day he will find another to share his life with.

But that was all I could do...

Hope.

With a sigh, I looked down at the third item, which was a letter given to me after my mothers death. It was still sealed within the worn down envelope, as I had been too afraid, even to this day, to open it and read the contents of that letter.

And the last item...

My gaze stilled on it, and a conflicted feeling entered me.

The fourth item was the same switch blade that I had used to slice my wrist with.

I had forgotten that I had placed it in this box after digging it out of the trash. You all probably think it disgusting that I did such a thing, or even find it idiotic that I even bothered to retrieve the item that supported my near death experience.

However, I couldn't seem to let it go.

I found the blade to be some sort of memento, a reminder of that time when I almost completely succumbed to darkness.

I believed that if I kept it, then it be some sort of charm that would prevent me from going that far ever again.

Unfortunately, there was also a possible chance that keeping it would also give rise to the temptation to slice my wrist again, just not to the point where I would take my own life again.

I can only hope that I have the willpower to resist such temptations when the time comes.

Placing the lid of the shoe box back on, I placed the shoe box onto my bed, and began unpack the rest of the boxes scattered around my room again.

It wasn't until late at night, around midnight, that I finally finished unpacking.

It was then, being completely exhausted, when I went to bed.

***

I awoke the next day feeling tired.

When my alarms woke me up, I seriously debated just going straight back to bed, but I knew that wasn't going to be an option, as sooner or later my dad would come to wake me up anyways if he notices that I'm not up, as he wakes up around the same time that I step out of the house to head off to school. Sometimes he likes to wake up earlier to join me for breakfast.

So, with a groan, I reluctantly climbed out of bed. Now standing, I could feel an ache in my muscles and bones from yesterday's unpacking, a soreness could also be felt.

I let out another groan, this one though, was of pleasure and bliss as I stretched my body out. I could hear my bones creak and crack, sending a feeling of euphoria through me, causing me to sigh happily.

Dropping my arms to let it fall limply to my sides, I looked around my room, satisfied to see how everything had been unpacked and placed orderly around the room. Of course, it was all my doing, so of course I would be pleased by my decorating.

A bit egotistical, no?

Done with my admiring, I headed into my closet to get the clothes I would be wearing today. I ended up choosing some dark blue skinny jeans, a red, short sleeve shirt with the words 'Bite Me' written with black, dripping font. I also took out a black, thin hoodie for me to wear and some red convers.