what would i do without you? ♡ egobang

what would i do without you?

Arin sighed; checking the time on his phone for what must've been the fifth time in the last five minutes. He couldn't be late for this lecture, it wasn't a particularly important one, but he couldn't bear being late in, all those eyes on him as he awkwardly stumbled into the nearest seat available. They made his heart pound and his body tremble with anxiety that he just couldn't stand.

Finally, the bus was less than a block away from his stop. Arin stood up and slowly made his way to the front, thinking about every step he was taking, worried that he was doing something wrong. He figured that the people around him were mocking him behind his back because he looked stupid, maybe a hair was sticking up or he had some toothpaste on his shirt, anything. He was terrified of making a fool of himself, he couldn't bear the thought.

However, his worries were shot from his mind when the bus came to a sudden stop in front of a red light, and Arin went crashing forward hitting a warm, firm object and freezing when he heard the surprised yelp of another person just above him.

Arin shot up, he could already feel the terrified shaking starting up in his fingers, his chest was tightening drastically, and his breaths were shortening until he was practically hyperventilating.

Arin could barely look at this guy, just kept his eyes focussed on his chest, where his own face had been pressed just a second before. "Shit, fuck, man... Jesus, I'm so, fuck- I'm so fuckin sorry. I- I just-"

"Hey, man," Arin's eyes stayed glued to his chest, he couldn't even look up to the guys face when he started to speak, his voice soft, comforting, "it's okay, don't worry. It wasn't your fault, dude."

Arin shook his head, "N-no dude, I should've looked where I was going, it was my fault, fuck."

Tears were rushing to his eyes, he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore, the tightness in his chest cutting off his air, like rope constricting his lungs. He needed to breathe. Jesus, if he didn't get air soon he'd pass out, he'd probably fucking die.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Through his panic, Arin heard the guy speak again, his tone still soft, not upset at all. It was a tiny reassurance in between his head rushing and his fear.

Arin shook his head quickly in response. "Need air, I need... Fuck, I can't breathe, shit."

The other man was on his feet immediately. He stretched his hand out slowly, waiting until Arin nodded in consent before he put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Okay, man, we'll get you off; we'll get you some air, just try and breathe for me, okay? Take deep, slow breaths. Focus on that, nothing else. I got you, dude, you're gonna be okay."

Arin, nodded rapidly, letting the tall guy pull him through the bus. He felt all eyes on him, people staring at him. God, he wished he wasn't such a goddamn freak, that he could just laugh these things off instead of fucking breaking down in front of a whole bus of people. They were probably laughing at him right now, a grown ass man falling on, probably crushing, some poor, unsuspecting guy, then crying about it.

Arin barely took in the sound of the man asking the bus driver to pull over, to let them both off. He was pretty sure he'd missed his stop in all the craziness, which made him cry harder, mind overflowing with anxieties that he couldn't stop thinking about. He couldn't escape them.

The next thing Arin knew, he was stumbling down the bus steps and into the street. He expected the man to just leave him there, for him to just want Arin thrown off because he disturbed him, probably crushed him, and was making a huge scene about it. Instead, the guy followed Arin off, only stopping to thank the driver before his full attention was back on Arin.

"Hey, man, I need you to focus on me, ok? Focus on my voice. I'm right here. There's no one else around, it's just me, man. My name's Danny, uh, Dan, can you tell me yours?"

Arin stuttered out his name, sobs and shaky breaths only being interrupted by a yelped cry when his legs decided to stop holding him up anymore. They just buckled underneath him. He would've hit the ground hard if it wasn't for Dan catching him at the last moment and leaning him against the cold brick wall of an apartment block.

"Arin, have you got any meds on you, ones for moments like these?" Throughout this whole episode, Dan had kept himself entirely calm, his voice was soft and offered a kind of comfort that Arin had never felt before.

Without thinking, Arin grabbed Dan's hand with shaky fingers, guiding him to the pocket of his blue hoodie. His pills always stayed there, a reassuring weight in his clothing, ready for moments like these.

Dan asked how many he should take, and, when Arin replied, "T-two, shit, two." He pulled the orange bottle from his pocket, tipping two little pills into his hand and helping Arin take them. He made sure Arin swallowed them, and helped him wash them down with a large gulp of water from a bottle in his backpack. 

Arin lost track of time after that, it all seemed like one big rush, yet, at the same time, it felt like hours. All he could register was Dan sitting beside him, telling him to keep breathing, talking him through everything in that same gentle tone. Dan ended up making him play an easy game of eye-spy, distracting him from his panic until he was actually able to laugh, and could breathe normally again. He was still shaky, slightly dizzy, but he could think straight and breathe again and that was more than enough.

"Dan, god, thank you so much. I- I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't been there."

Dan smirked cockily, "It's no problem, man, really. It's not like you meant to throw yourself at me, I can't help being ridiculously sexy like that. The least I could do was offer a hand in the aftermath."

Arin giggled at that, ignoring the way his cheeks heated up a little at the (overly sexy) wink Dan threw at him to really put his point across. Dan's cockiness was clearly a jokey front, since the second he stopped preening himself he broke into a genuine, wide, happy smile. Arin found it endearing anyway, and totally not just because Dan looked stupidly hot with that dumb smirk on his face.

Arin stopped that thought in its tracks, and took a second to really look at the man who'd helped him through all this, took in his appearance. He had a head of big, fuzzy hair; warm, brown eyes, and a wide, toothy grin that Arin couldn't help but smile in response to, it was infectious. 

Dan was really attractive; Arin wouldn't deny that for a second. However, there was something else about him, something about the way he smiled, the relieved look in his eyes when Arin's head was finally straight enough that he could take part in the game, start coming up with his own things for Dan to find, something about him that just resembled warmth and comfort and everything Arin had been looking for; Something about him that reminded Arin of the home he'd never really had.

Dan made a shitty joke that Arin couldn't help but laugh out loud at, his face creasing up and a loud, happy noise erupting from his mouth. He didn't even feel self-conscious about it, for once, he just let himself laugh without worrying what other people would think.

The way Dan's face brightened when Arin laughed just made it even better. His heart sped up again, but it didn't feel bad this time, it made his chest swell, heat rise in his cheeks. All the symptoms of a panic attack but none of the anxiety or terror, just pure, genuine happiness like Arin hadn't felt in years.

"So, Arin," Dan started, a sudden, nervous tone taking over his voice, "I uh... I was wondering if you'd be down for getting coffee someplace. I- I mean, you don't have to, obviously, I'd just, I don't know, like to spend some more time with you, I guess."

Arin felt his face flush red, "Yeah, I'd like that, I really would."