The Wildcard

Chapter Fifteen

“Tonight is for you – but you have to completely give yourself to me, can you do that?”

“Wh ...” I licked my lips again, “What do you mean, exactly?”

Fuck. Couldn’t be good if a guy started dragging shit like that out of the bag, right? My mind came up with all sorts of horrible thoughts – briefly I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t just snatch up my gear and get the hell out of there once and for all.

He frowned slightly, his eyes almost introspective as he answered me, like he wasn’t even really sure what he was asking for himself.

“I just need you to trust me. It’s not dark or S & M or anything like that, I just need to know I have you.”

Have me? Hadn’t he had me quite a few times now? He was so complex – I didn’t understand this burning intensity that he had going on – it seemed like we’d stripped a few layers, felt like we got somewhere, and now this?

“I’m naked?” Was he missing that bit? Was I missing something here?

“Just give me the ... fuck, the power I guess. I want you to do nothing tonight except feel,” his eyes darted over my features, but I could see the need in them, “Can you do that?”

Could I? Power always seemed to me the one thing you never gave up when you played around with sex – maybe it was a residue of my time with Alex – but as long as you kept onto it – even just the illusion of it – then you were safe. Everything looks different from the driver’s seat.

But hadn’t I already given in to Cayden, somewhere? Wasn’t I already too involved in this to not be broken? Hell, twenty minutes ago, I was giving him my deepest, darkest secrets – stuff that I hadn’t ever said outside of courtrooms and therapist’s offices – except to Ryan, and even he was kind of told by default at one of the group meetings. Maybe I could trust him – even if it was only here, with this.

I’d resigned myself to getting broken, hadn’t I? I already knew we were heading down a dark and twisted path for me? What was one more tainted love experience, after all?

At least I could let myself feel something. Every time with him pushed my boundaries – brought me closer – but I’d never given in and let go. With anybody.

“I can try,” my voice sounded small, needy, which I really wasn’t a fan of, but when he leant down to brush his lips against my forehead softly, as though I’d just given him something precious, it didn’t feel like it mattered anymore.

“It’ll be worth it, princess,” his voice was smooth as silk, moving over my skin in a quiet, dark seduction, “Spread your legs for me, and pull up your knees.”

I did as he bid, my heart beating out a frantic, almost uncomfortable, beat beneath my breastbone – my body mercilessly exposed as he stepped to the foot of the bed. I closed my eyes – fleetingly vulnerability crippling my libido – until he blew out a soft breath over my folds, and I instinctively clenched around the empty air with a hoarse groan.