So this is my reality now, me without you, and you without me. It's like Vivien minus Paulo and Paulo minus Vivien. I know that the answer is too much lost; but this is it. You are tired of me, but I am more tired of myself. I hate those times that you feel so alone because of the actions I did unintentionally. But I swear, I love you more than anything and everything you did was really pretty much appreciated. You really just have to open your heart and eyes. In the very first place, I will never write this if I really don't.
I know how irritating my flaws are and I'm in the process of changing them. But now, I just knew that having this change of heart was never that easy. For now, I'm going to give you some time to think. And I'll give myself some time to learn the things I should have learned since before. I'm sorry if things turned out this way. This is not exactly the way I wanted it. I know no one liked this. But this is maybe our fate. Things happen because there might be a deep reason behind it. The absence of one another might help us change for the better. Maybe one day, we'll be able to know how important ourselves to one another; or maybe one day, someone might strike your heart once more. If that happens, forget me and do not let her go. Show her what love is; prove that to her everyday like you did to me, or even more if you want. That would kill me, but I know that I should let you because it is what you deserve. You really deserve someone that is much better than I am; someone that will never ever spurn your feelings; someone that will always prove to you how much she loves you; someone that is so much prettier that for sure will kill me with extreme jealousy; someone that will always melt your heart; someone that has the attitude and whatever it takes.
I guess I really have to let you go now, if that's what you really want. I'll wave goodbye, watching you shine bright. I swear, you're the best thing that ever happened to my seventeen years of existence, and always you will be. Thank you so much for everything. I may never be this person that I am now if I haven't met you. My life with you was really that amazing, so extra-ordinary; it's everything that every girl would really ask for. Thank you for making me realize that love is also for a strange person like me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for the respect and the overflowing understanding you've showed and made me feel. Thank you for the time you've given to me that is the best thing ever; because time can never be brought back. Oh, I wish I could bring it back. If only I could, then I would go back to those times when I really should have showed you how much I love and adore you. I wish I could really be the one for you. But this happening proved to me that I am not. There's really nothing in store for me.
So my friend Karma is finally here now, killing me because of my wrongdoings I did. This is what I deserve. I deserve pain that is excruciating. But still can I say sorry for those? Of course, I can. It's just you who won't be accepting this now. I know hard it was on your part, most especially. That's why I really feel so sorry. Just so you know. But I know you will never know. You won't read this and you're not going to come back, right? I wish I could see your oblivious face last night. I wish I could. I really wish. And if ever you cried for the nth time, I wish I was there to wipe those tears away. I know that one day; I'll turn into a stranger for you, and no one else. I will be the less significant, the nonsensical, the most stubborn...
But still, I will be waiting for you. I swear, I will. I know it would really take time. But I know that I can wait. It will be worth the waiting. I will let you go on your own now. But please, don't get too far; I still want to be with you. I wanted. And I will always want to be with you. I will correct my mistakes, prove your worth, and tell you everything that my heart wants to convey, and at the same time, I will show it to you wholeheartedly. I regretted I never told you everything. I wish I did. But I never did. I wish everything will fall into its proper places again. I can still see a vivid picture of us getting high with bliss and lots of love. I wish I really could make you go back to me. I wish.
I wish you could forgive me. I don't know when, but I can wait patiently and endlessly. I'll wait for you. And if you come back, I swear I will do what I really should have done since then. I am sorry because we turned out like this. I am sorry if you thought I scorned your feelings. It's actually not like that. I love you. It's just now, reality is going to teach me a lesson I should continuously learn. I know in the future it will benefit both of us. I know and I can feel that you will come back for me. But that's one of my pure assumptions. And maybe this is just my wishful thinking. My Paulo will never ever come back for me. Now, I'm just a damsel in distress waiting patiently for my hero named Flash. Call me crazy, over-acting and all. Everything that is written here are all nothing but fact. It's up to you if you will believe me and change your mind. And if this is really good-bye please don't let me assume too much. Don't.
I don't know if I could still go on with my life now. I don't know. I know I can, but I just don't want to, if it's going to be without you. Now, to whom would I share my never-ending senseless stories? To whom should I rely on now? Where's my luminous moon now? I don't know. I had nothing but you. Yes, you can tell me I have friends, but of course, they can never be you. You just know me more than they do. And you can accept me a million times than they can. You were once the boy best friend, and then you turned as my best boyfriend. But now, I don't know.
Time really flew so fast. I wish I could go back, but I know that's really next too impossible. This is how unfair life to me is. I never saw this coming, but my entire day yesterday made me feel that something was bound to happen. So this is it now. You and me, gone, vanished, broken...
I wish this is just a nightmare - a nightmare that I can recover soon...
I'm awake now, six am after three hours of scrawling this. Tears came down and I can't really just stop it. Every day, I know that I need to face this reality. You are not going to come back, right? Vivien, why can't you just accept it? It's your fault anyway.
P.S. I love you and I am really sorry.
