Poems

My Body

I am wracking my body,
Pushing it further,
Wanting more,
More,
More,
I don't listen to my knees,
Begging me to stop,
Go on, further,
Further, further, further,
Then stop. To late.
I don't listen to my head,
Telling me to calm down,
You do not need all this thoughts,
You do not need to know everything,
You can not do everything,
But I want to do everything.
All at once.
I don't listen to my stomach,
Telling me not to sport,
Telling me to sit down,
Telling me to take it easy,
Going on will not stop the pain,

Maybe I should tell my mom,
Tell her I can't deal with this body,
Tell her it's all my fault,
Tell her I'm sorry,
Tell her I don't want to be ill,
Tell her I want everything.
And nothing.
Tell her all I want is to not be in pain.

But I don't,
It's not her problem.
It's mine.
It's not her pain.
It's mine.

I won't tell her how my head's exploding,
Because of each sound,
Because of all the light,
Because of the silence,
Because of the thinking
And all that helps is music blasting in my ears
Because then,
Only then,
Everything is silent.

I won't tell her that each morning,
When I stay in bed for way to long,
It isn't because I'm lazy,
But because my stomach hurts too much,
Too much
Too much to move,
Too much to think,
Too much.

It hurts.

So much.

I will only tell her,
To slow down her pace,
Because my knees can't keep up.