Measuring Success

A strong feeling of desire or wholeheartedly being sustained by obtaining something peculiar crawls beneath my skin.

I woke up one morning from an indefinable dream of my life going astray. So I sat up right pensively thinking of what I will become, hence my thoughts were governed by a state of DIFFERENCE. At that moment I was eager more than ever to make a change. I dressed up because of my persuasive and diverted mentality to see what the day had to hold

My school day hadn't resumed in a thrilling way as my optimism. Coincidentally it was the beginning of a new term and the educators were announcing each learners mark's of the previous term. I was slightly discouraged by my disappointing marks. I felt my heart sink as the lessons dragged through the day. I felt like I just wanted to crawl beneath a rock and cease to exist.

The following days followed with little passion it seemed to go a bit more swifter than the days before. Every face that had passed me seemed to be jovial and light weight, with no worry consuming even a split second of their time.

The monotonous bel rang for assembly. Everybody crowded their way toward the quad.

The usuall announcement's were made of absenteeism, punctuality, scholar-like-behaviour and a script from the bible. The appointed educator to lead the assembly, dictated the top achievers names to the school and declared unexpected scholars to be part of the lists.

Every announced person had then walked up to the balcony to receive their award. I stood in astonishment as to what just transpired. Sullen clouds hovered above my head and confusion struck me, merely because seeing those people on the balcony I thought paid no mind to school, made me feel like it all was surreal.

Conscious words of lacking "will power" smothered me. Perceiving those words that grew into my stomach. Made me more furious with myself inside than I could ever depict.

The assembly was then dismissed. Whilst the crowd dispersed I meditated on two words; Persistence and Success. Continuously until I had felt it in my heart and then eventually in my gut.

Everyday I meditated on those two words. Daily I would be driven by them, of what I wanted, of what I needed. The sacrifices I had to make were oblivious. Even when days came when I felt wary my motive was clear enough for anyone to see.

So that's when I reallized that...
You never really want something until you actually do.