have you ever felt dso lost you cant help it anymore? Just like you want to let go but your mind and body keep holding on? Even though you keep telling them to give up they just keep on going and going and the only break you can get is sleep but even then you get haunted by nightmares. theres nothing and no one to hold on to because you let them all go. they all gave up on you. you have no choice but to move on. but your body wont let you. you miss everyone and everything, but theres nothing there to comfort you. your imagination has taken over but your too lost to even realize it. you slowly lose yur mind more and more and people tell you that everything is going to be fine but you know its not. you know they dont really give a damn about what happened or what you have to say, they just lie to you to get you to shut up, and the sad thing is... it works. but theres no one and nothing there to help you out. your stuck. stuck in a hole you dug yourself. and when you call your friends for help, they either ignor you, or go to help, but you get them stuck too. and the more people you call out to, the more that you either lose or get stuck in the hole. and you cant help it, its just the way you were born, and if you have anyone left in the hole with you, they die. they die and your all alone again. you know in books and movies, no matter how much you deny it, everything and everyone you love or even sort of like... dies? well its the same in real life. theres nothing left in the end but your terribl thoughts, and you go crazy. you crazy and find yourself wondering... do penguins have knees? (They dont actualy) do cats really have nine lives? (i have yet to figure that one out) what does smoking or drinking or driving or sex feel like? (never known any of them... hope to never find out... except maybe drinking... ive considered that one before) what will happen in the future. will there even be a future. what if the world explodes tomorrow? (I find explosions exteremely amusing) my mind gets lost in a million stupid 'what if' questions. what if i never see again. what if my family tries to kill me in my sleep. what if my ex boyfriend comes back and rapes me, but then he dies before he gets the chance. what if my life amounts to nothing. what if unicorns exsist. what if the government is lying to us and weve never been to space. were forced to beilieve things thsat were taught from a young age. theres nothing else that we know. we know a tree is called a tree. but what if it was really called a door but some crazy person went arond and told everyone 'no your wrong, its a tree. a door is the thing that you open to let people into the house' but now a days if anyone called a tree a door, everyone would point, laugh, and say 'whats wrong with that guy?' but what if that carzy guy was on to something ? wed never know because some dip shits were to ignorant to see the truth. we believe basically everything were told from a young age. thats where that old saying 'your still young, you can still be helped' comes from.... what, no ones ever heard that before? my brother used to say it too me all the time. until i started cutting, then he just realized 'wow this kid is too far gone. no saving her now!' and you know what? hes right! i am too far gone to be helped, but only in sanity. yea im insane, what made you think i was sane? yea im different, fuck your oppinion. next time (if you ever) you go outside, look up at the sky (as long as its day) not at the sun, but just up into the blueness. stare for a little while. do you see dots moving around up there? its because life is just a game. when you sleep, its because someone put you on pause or turned it off, depening on how long your out for, but maqybe times different in their world! maybe 20 minutes is a day! maybe the 2 hours your asleep, is 3 days that the game isnt played! and when we die, we either get brought back in a different level (in our terms: world) or we get put up into the world thats playing us! We dont know and theres only one way to find out. if life is just a game, then everything is prewriten! nothing is our own choice, its all just things they tell us to make sure we dont lose our imaginatuon, but think about it, it doesnt matter! if its all pre written, then it wont matter if we lose our imagination, because then its all already done for us! Weve already become busness men in the game publisers mind, weve already become phycotic killers, weve already become homeless people, it doesnt matter what someone tells us to do, or if we do it or not, it doesnt affect our outcome! its all already writen and theres nothing we can do about it! you hate your mom? well so do i! you have no idea how many times ive wanted to kill her, but then remembered 'prison orange is not your color' haha, not really, but it was a good time to use it! Did you know there was such thing as 'Bat-Cow'? I didnt until the other day, btu it was weird!!! i used to love damian, but thats a little weird, isnt it. just..... BAT-COW!!! OH NO GUYS, RUN!!! like... can you imagine Scarecrow or Joker, or Firfly yelling that? it just seems a bit odd, but hey, if your afraid of cows that eat grass but pretend to eat criminals.... fine! you can live your life! I dont care if you like windows, run into walls, or occasionally pee on yourself, you hang in there sunshine! your friggen special! are butterfl wings made out of baby feet? or is it real butter, thats why there so delacate! oh my gosh, in the name of fear! ive figured it out! i said firfly didnt i? yes i did haha! i meant firefly!! i think... did i? oh yea i did! DONT HUG ME, IM SCARED!!! never look that up on youtube, in fact ill propbably save ou the trouble of doing exactly the oppostie of wghat i say and post it with this.... yep! thats a great idea!!! what if, the wold did end in 2012?!?! and this is our lives flashng before our eyes, but we end up not dying at the end of it and we punch the mother fucker tht made us live our lives all over again because there was no point in it and we were just going to die three months later anyways!? was that a question? im not even really sure! i hate people and mornings and confessing, yet here i am! 2 in the morning and im sitting here confessing y life to people! have you ever hated someone so much for no reason at all? I hate one of my best friends and the only person who texts me back and will usually stay up until 3 am with me, but i hate him for no reason at all. like, my mind just has this... habit of lying to itself, and it did it a while back and started telling me all of these lies about him, and i ended up believing them, and now i hate him. is this all one big paragraph? yes.
im secretly the king of fears. did you know that? i sure as hell didnt! well i think ive gotten enough off of my mind for now to let me be able to sleep, so MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!! Its the beginning of july... yea, ever heard of Christmas in July? no. well you deserve to be ut to De- anyways!! if you have any questions about anything upo there, please dont ask. im kidding, im not even going to spell check this, because i think itll come out terribly! forspell check. anyways, night, ya'll!
