Hell Born

Part 1

Is God real? The biggest question that I've had my whole life. People always hurry and shove answers into my face like: "Yes he is Lucy. You just need faith." Or "No, there's no actual proof of Him so he can't be real." These were my parent's answers. My mom is the religious one, where if I ask any questions that goes against the Christian religion I get a ten minute lecture about how that's wrong. My step dad on the other hand, is the exact opposite. When I ask a question about the Bible he simply gives me a grin, shakes his head, and says that I should ask my mom and hear her answer first, then come back and hear the correct one.

That's how my life was. All 14 years of it. My second biggest question was who my real father was. I would ask my mom and she would avoid answering the question and change topics. I've stopped asking but I still wonder.

"Lucy are you packed yet?" My mom yells up the stairs. "You're leaving tomorrow for Bible Camp." As I look at all the clothes scattered around on my floor.

"Yeah mom, almost done." I quickly shove a handful of tank tops, grab a couple t-shirts, and throw in a few shorts into my duffle bag. As I'm finishing, my dog Max walks into the room with a wagging tail. He was always fond of me for some reason. Like he wanted to protect me at all costs. My mom says he was gift from my real dad and this was all she kept of him. "I'm going to miss you max. You better be a good boy while I'm gone." Max tucks his head into my shoulder. His strong body pushes me back a bit. "I love you too Maxy." Just then my step dad walks into my room.

"You ready for a week of Jesus and god and all that shit?" He says with a playful tone. He walks over to me on the bed. "You know, if you really don't want to do this you don't have to."

"I know. But I guess I just need to "find myself", and I feel like I can do that there." I see the smile slowly fade away from his face. I know he wants me to believe in what he believes but if I'm going to be living with my mom mostly after the divorce, why not try to believe what she believes?

I don't know how my parents relationship has lasted this long. They argue about religion so often it just sounds like a normal conversation to me now. I remember how my mom would get on Christmas when I was little.

"We are going to church as a family this year! No questions asked!"

"But I don't have to go. I don't believe what you believe!" Then my mom would leave in a huff and drag me out the door and we would go to church. Every year that's how it happened. It was about when I was eight when I started to ask questions.

I check my phone and it says 11:45. I grab my headphones and plug them into my phone and my playlist begins to play. A little bit of my favorite music and bands, stuff that makes me feel relaxed and happy. I soon drift into a deep sleep.