READ PILLS BY @-tronnor FIRST!
Tick, tock, tick, tock
Just the clock, calm down Troye.
It had been 4 weeks since the funeral, where I said goodbye to my biggest fan, my best friend, my first love, my lover. Connor Franta.
I could remember everything. From the little notes to cuddling to shower sex, it was nudged in my brain. I'd never forget the boy with the deep green eyes that stole my heart. His debonair was enchanting. I remembered the last kiss we had, sad but passionate. I'll never forget when I saw him fall, it all in slow motion. I'll never find anyone like him, and I don't want to. He was so special, so surreal, and he was mine.
Nowadays, I spend my time locked up in my room. I'm either writing songs about him, blasting my music, or crying. This has been consistent. There is never a millisecond where I don't think about him.
I'm belligerent to anyone that crosses my path, so everyone leaves me alone. My family's fallacious conclusions and advice was so barbaric, it seemed as though they've been rubbing it in my face. They don't know how much I loved him, they don't know how much he meant to me. So why should I be happy? That's what everyone tells me to do.
Just smile.
Just be happy.
No. That's not how it works, darling. Trust me. You don't know what it's like to lose the most important person in your life. The one person who kept you sane. The one person who impacted your life so much, that they grew to be seventy five percent of who you were. They were your happy. Now, all that's left is sadness. And you never know how long you'll be grieving. It'll quite possibly never end. So don't talk to me unless that's happened to you before. Don't tell me what to do unless you've been through the circumstances I'm going through.
His parents let me keep one of his shirts and his cologne. They both smell just like him. It's the only thing besides the memories I have left.
I still have to take antidepressants, but I never do. They can't fix the pain I'm going through.
"T-troye?" I hear Tyde, my brother, say. I slam my face against my pillow.
"What the hell do you want now?"
"Um, well, mom said that they're taking you back."
"What? Where?" I whisper.
"To Rosa," Tyde whispered back.
I had to admit, I did miss Rosa. She was always so supportive of me, and she'd been the nicest person there. But even though I missed Rosa, I didn't want to go back there. It would remind me of everything. It would only add fuel to this fire.
"I-I can't do that! Are they stupid! Do they actually think that taking me there would be a good idea?" I yelled.
"What's going on?" I heard my mom say as she stomped into the room.
I tried to hold back my tears. I could feel my face getting red. I don't know if I was angry or sad, maybe both. I felt a tear go down my hot face as I clenched my fists.
"You can't take me back there! How could you?" I screamed. I can't go back. Too many memories.
"I'm taking you back, and there's nothing you can do about it."
"But mom! Do you know how painful that was for me?" I snapped.
"Our decision is final. You're going back tomorrow." She said sternly.
"You're so oblivious!" I yelled back.
"Troye, it's been five weeks, I think you'll be fine."
That's when it got me. I can't take this anymore.
"Do you really think that I need to get over it? Do you think I can just forget the pain of losing the best person in my life? It killed me when he, you know," I argued. How could she be so heartless? I loved him. I loved him more that I liked myself. He was the only thing getting me through the pain of reality.
"Pack your bags. You need help," she added, "and now we're leaving tonight. Six o'clock." She left the room and slammed the door, taking Tyde with her.
I got out a duffle bag to put my belongings in. I first packed my journal, some pens, two changes of clothes, my toothbrush, a comb, toothpaste, deodorant, and lastly, Connor's shirt and cologne. I was going to have to sneak those pens into the ward, they don't allow sharp objects. I was angrily shoving these objects into my bag.
Five o'clock, I have some time to kill. I'll write a song for Connor.
"We are runnin' so fast
And we never look back
And whatever I lack, you make up
We make a really good team
And though not everyone sees
We got this crazy chemistry
Between us
