Close my eyes
Breathe in, breathe out
I'm facing down another restless night
A trickle of doubt
Will this be my last?
The thought comes to mind
Unbidden
Unwanted
Unneeded
Unwelcome
All the same, it is too much of a reality for me to find any peace
Not for lack of trying
For hours I lay with wide eyes
I watch the night slipping away
In a rushing torrent it leaves me
Leaves me to my poisonous thoughts
Leaves me to my never ending fears
Leaves me to my all consuming anxiety
It's not always like this
A battle against my own mind
The prize a few hours of respite from my relentless demons
Every so often there is no fight
No struggle
No worry
No pain
No fear
I slip into sleep's waiting embrace without a second thought
But these nights are few and far between
Like cool water in the desert
They are not enough to live on
Again it comes unbidden, unwanted, unneeded, unwelcome
Will this be my last?
The scariest part is the unspoken answer
Hiding in the dark shadows of my mind
Oppressive in its silence
We can only hope it will be
Comes the silent answer
My eyes flicker closed at last
A few scant hours from dawn
It seems the answer is no
For tonight at least
