Wasted Love

"But What If I Don't?"

Hey. I'm Bailey. I'm 19 years old, I have my own apartment about 15 minutes away from my college, and I have a "boyfriend" named Carter. Now, I put quotation marks because he doesn't seem like it anymore. He's distant now. It scares me. I don't wanna lose him. I can't lose him.
Everyday Carter would always remind me of what a beautiful girl I am and every time it made me blush. We would play fight, eat junk food and watch Disney movies. By the end of the night we would fall asleep with me in his arms. It was like a fairytale. Now it's just... just different. I get we couldn't stay in the "honeymoon phase" forever but I guess I wish things wouldn't change that much. Boy was I wrong.
Now that that's out of the way, here I am on the couch watching some TV show, although I'm not even really paying attention, waiting for him. He said he'd come over because he really needed to talk to me. I'm really happy he's coming over because it's been forever. On the downside, I'm nervous as hell. I mean who wouldn't be? In every relationship, when someone says they need to talk it's not always good news. My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door. I stand up and go answer it. Once Carter is in the house I offer him something to drink. He kindly declines. When we make our way to living room, the tension is thick. Highly noticeable. He's clears his throat and begins speaking. "Okay like I told you, I really needed to talk you. So here it goes. Bailey, you're a great girl but in all total honesty you're just not what I want anymore." I'm rendered speechless. I'm in so much shock. I'm sitting there frozen. I guess once he realizes I'm not gonna reply anytime soon he speaks again. "You see, I have needs and you're not fulfilling them. It's like you've stopped trying. I don't know what to do anymore than leave." He shrugs it off as if it's nothing. His words and his calm demeanor is what pisses me off and then I snap. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" I scream at him. "You have the nerve to say that I stopped trying. I've been trying for months now. I've given you everything. I gave you my virginity even though we're not married when you knew that's when I wanted to lose it!" By this point I'm shaking and tears are streaming down my face. "Do you remember what I told you when we first got together. I told you I needed you. And you promised you'd always be there. What, that promise just flies out the window because I don't give you sex whenever you want it?!" I raised my wrists to show the multiple healed scars to remind him just what he promised me. Yes I am mad. But I know deep down I do love him and he's my human blade. He stands, looks me in my eyes and says, "you'll get over me." And just like that he's gone and I'm one my knees my body shaking with sobs and my breathing is uneven and all I can do is just barely whisper to myself, "But what if I don't?"