I Miss You

Chapter 2. The Investigation

I was heartbroken, my life is slowly falling apart, i can't even perform in Ben's band in couple weeks "Ben, you need to find someone else to sing for your band" I said. "Does Vivian sing?" asked Ben "yeah, she can sing better than I do" I said "lemme give her a call" says Ben  "I need sometime" I said "I understand, you need some time to heal, don't worry baby" says Ben kissing me "hey Vivian! Serena can't sing right now, and we need another singer for the time being" says Ben "I will love to sing with you Ben!" says Viv "great! Thanks Vivian" says Ben "you're welcome!" Says Viv "and what happen to Serena?" she asked "lets just say... Her mother isn't coming home" says Ben "Oh god" says Vivian "yeah, she won't be coming to school anytime soon" he says.

A brim of tears formed in Ben's eyes "Ben? whats wrong?" I asked whipping my own tears then his "I'm just emotional right now" he says pulling me into a hug "cause of the news?" I said "yeah" says Ben "she was a good woman, most of the time" he adds "she was a good mom" I said.

Later that night when Ben left to practice with the band and Vivian I began to write:

Day 369

Mommy, I love you. I know you wheren't always here for me but i know you wanted to stop the pain you caused the family. But it wasn't your doing it was dads, he left us, he left everything that he loved and cared for. Don't let the pain of gulit inside your soul that you can't escape now... I am so sorry that you have to die by someone who wanted to kill you or it was out of random, We don't know for now, it sucks so hard to think that someone who wasn't humane enough to end your life so short.

Mom, i hope to see you again sober in the heavens above i hope.

With love,

Your loving daughter, Serena <3

I closed my notebook slowly coming to an end, I put it next to a picture of my mom and i smiling a genuin smile, i start to cry again "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" I said starting to break things out of anger "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! I NEEDED YOU STILL!" I screamed through my tears. I never felt like this in my intire life... I hated this feeling, i want it to end. I woke up from my blackness that came through me and looked around "Oh God what have i done?" I asked crab walking backwards to the door (like they do in the horror movies lmao) i put on my pajamas and went to bed dreaming about that night, i dream about that night over, and over, and over again wondering what i could do differently about it, pursuade her not to go out or something... I am blaming myself for this, i know it's not good stress on me but i could have saved her life.

The next morning i called Ben not to come here, i need sometime to reflect on this "I understand,  call me if you need anything" he says "thanks, I love you" I said he hung up with a click.  I am alone the fear of something hapening fills my body "I'm having a panic attack" I said breathless "Siri call boyfriend" I said "calling Boyfriend" says Siri "hey babe!" says Ben "BEN HELP ME! I AM HAVING A PANIC ATTACK" I said "shit, i will be right there" says Ben "HURRY!" I said I don't get panic attacks often, but Ben is always with me, this is the first time ever that we ain't together. "Babe?" says Ben behid the door "its open" I said spread out on the kitchen floor "oh god" says Ben running to the kitchen to get my meds for them, i never had them in a while so i never took them. "thanks babe" I said drinking water with my pill.

I took a deep breath "I don't know what happen" I said in his arms "it's okay, I'm here now" says Ben smiling "thank you" I said hugging him tightly "you're welcome" he says "and I was with the band" he adds "and Vivi is really good!" says Ben "I told you!" I said laughing "well, she learns the songs well" Says Ben "I sent her the copies of the CDs" I said "thats why" says Ben laughing "gotta help a sista out" I said getting up from the floor "I'm okay now, thank you Ben" I said "you're welcome" says Ben "you can go back and practice" I said "no way, i don't want to leave you again" says Ben "Ben, i will call you if i need anything" I said kissing him "okay, call me anytime" says Ben "I will, I love you" I said "I love you too" says Ben walking out the door.