Promise - A My Sweet Prince Novel (1)

The First and Last Love Letter

Sleeping is an impossibility. So I call Lina and she answers on the first ring, as if she was waiting for my call. "I just knew you would call," she tells me. "Something is wrong. I can feel it – there's a disturbance in the force. I have a sixth sense about these things."

"No, you don't," I say.

She chuckles. "You're right. Now tell me what wrong? You sound like you've been run over by a truck."

"Close enough." I mutter, lying in bed, my arms around the pillow. Ivan had the maids all clean it up while I was busy and I scolded him for it when I found out. I made the mess so I should have been the one to clean it up.

"Wait, what?" Lina demands. "You're not getting hit by traffic are you?"

"No," I say, rubbing my face with the back of my hand. "I chose."

"You chose?" Lina asks. I can almost see her face scrunching up as she thinks a moment and then her eyes lighting up when she realizes what I mean. "You picked him, didn't you?" she asks. "Jun."

I nod, even though she can't see me. "I did," I say. "In more ways than one."

"Did you tell him that you love him?" Lina questions me.

I'm silent for a long time. "No," I say. "I can't tell him. It won't change anything. He's a prince." I laugh without humor. "No, he's going to be King. I'm just...Asaka."

"There is no way in hell you're leaving without telling him," Lina says.

I know she's right. I want to tell him. I want him to know how much he means to me. But I can't say it. My eyes slide over to the desk in the corner of the room and the beautiful parchment sitting atop it. I had asked Ivan to bring me something to write on earlier and this is what he brought. It will do. Anything will do. "I can't say it," I tell her. "He'll laugh at me."

"Not if he cares about you," Lina says. "And I think he does!"

"You don't know him," I say weakly. "He wants to be King so badly. He wants to make the country better. He will be a great King. Do you honestly think we're going to confess our love for each other, get married, and I'll be Queen? Think about it, Lina. I'm not royalty. I'm not Queen material."

"And why not?" Lina demands. "You are the sweetest girl I know. You're kind and generous and hardworking and you're willing to learn. You're amazing and you don't even realize it. I wish I could be more like you."

"And I wish I could be more like you," I tell her. "You're spirited and fun and energetic. Spontaneous...carefree..."

"But you know me better than that," Lina tells me. "I'm not perfect. Nobody is, but I have my problems. You of all people should know that."

"I know," I say, feeling bad for bringing it up. Lina had a rough childhood and went through more than any person should ever have to. And she came out of it stronger, but weaker in some ways. "I have plans to tell Jun...tomorrow."

"See?" Lina asks. "You'll feel better. And you have my full permission to stay when he tells you he feels the same. Being a Queen is a major promotion, wouldn't you say?" She laughs, but I don't join in. I can't. How can I tell her that I'll be long gone by the time Jun ever finds out about my feelings? "Seriously though. Stay. You love him – don't throw that away."

"Lina," I say, my voice cracking. I almost tell her. I almost confess my plans to flee as soon as I can after the coronation. I almost tell her about my plans to leave the letter in Jun's room and leave. But I don't. "I need to get some sleep. The coronation is tomorrow."

"Okay sweetie. Let me know how it all goes. I'm always here." She laughs. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I say. We hang up and I stand on shaky legs, walking over to the desk. I sit heavily and pick up the pen, staring at the paper before me. This is my chance to say everything I've wanted to say for so long. I take a deep breath and press pen to paper.

It takes me nearly two hours to write the letter. Everything I want to say somehow finds itself on the page. I hope it makes sense. I have to admit, I spend a lot of time just staring at the paper, wording and rewording things in my head. I set the pen aside and fold the letter up, writing Jun's name on the envelope I found in the desk drawer. I tuck the letter inside and return to bed. I don't think I'll sleep much tonight, but I try regardless.

Just as expected, I can't sleep. I finally give up and climb from bed, throwing a robe on over my pajamas. I leave my room and head to the dining hall. I sit at the table and am there for quite some time before a hand settles on my shoulder. It's Lambert.

"Can't sleep?" he asks. He is dressed in a robe as well as he sits beside me. I shake my head, but don't speak. "It's obvious, you know."

I frown. "What is?" I ask.

"That you plan to leave. I think you're a fool," Lambert shrugs, resting his chin on one fist. "You obviously have feelings for him. Have you told him?"

I think about the letter. "No," I say. "And I won't. It's better this way."

"Better for who? Jun? You?" Lambert shakes his head. "You love him – leaving won't make anything better for you." He stands and places a hand on my head. "But you're going to do whatever you want," he says. "There's no one keeping you here. After the coronation, you're free to go. But you already knew that."

"I have no reason to stay," I argue.

"I disagree," Lambert says simply. He points toward the kitchen. "Ivan keeps cookies stashed in there," he tells me. When he turns around to leave, I stop him, calling his name softly.

"You would have made a great king," I say.

"I know," Lambert says without turning around. "But so will my brother." With that, he walks away, leaving me in the dining hall alone. I won't cry. I've done enough of that and my decision is already made. I just have to get through the coronation and then I can go home. I can see Lina again, and I can forget all about the stupid prince with the arrogant smile, and the long braided hair, and the intense blue eyes.