more than friends//joshler

chapter 10

two days later it was monday, and both tyler and josh were getting ready for work. josh seemed more distracted the past couple of days, and it annoyed tyler. 

"hi, earth to josh," tyler suddenly snapped that day after trying to tell him what he'd done the day before and josh couldn't seem to look up from his phone for more than two seconds. 

"mhm, that's nice tyler," he said, offering a small nod. 

"ugh!" tyler shouted in disgust, grabbing his jacket and striding out the door. 

"see you after work," he rushed out before slamming the door behind him, making his way quickly to the elevator to get to their shared car as fast as possible. 

luckily my work is farther away he thought as he started the engine. they had worked out that josh could walk to work from the new place, as his job at the local record store was closer. tyler wasn't as lucky, working at the adoption center quite a few blocks away. he sighed, tapping out the beat to the song playing on the radio on the door of the car where his arm was resting. 

-

cats did not judge you, and that was tyler's favorite thing about them. he didn't have to care about how he looked or how angsty he was that day, the cats didn't care. they just wanted food. 

"me too guys," he muttered to himself as a hoard of cats followed him to the food closet. he grabbed the giant bag, dragging it across the floor and to the bowls. 

"shit," he muttered once more when he struggled at lifting it up. he heard a short laugh from behind him. 

"let me help you with that," his co-worker, patrick, said as he lifted up the other side of the bag to make it easier on tyler. 

"thanks, i'm not having the best day," tyler said after, running his hand through his somewhat grown out hair. almost time to buzz it again. 

"not a problem at all," patrick smiled at him, "want to actually go through the dog toys to see which ones can be kept and which ones are destroyed?" tyler shrugged.

"why not," he internally cringed at the idea though, prodding slobbery dog toys to see if they were good enough to keep. but it gave him something to do, and something to take his mind off of what had happened that morning. that was good. 

so, he walked to the other side of the building and started picking through dog spit. 

-

debby laughed from the other side of the counter, making heavy googly-eyes at josh. he could make this work. he could get over tyler. 

"yeah, and my grandpa always told me-" he started before the bell at the front of the store chimed, stealing his attention away. after a short time with no response, he craned his neck around. 

"hello?" he asked the seemingly empty store. debby had stepped aside and was now just staring at josh. he shrugged. 

"must have just been the wind or something. anyway-" he started once more, but was cut off when she leaned over the counter, grabbing the side of josh's face and kissing him. on the lips. 

tyler watched all of it from in front of the shop window. his vision blurred as he hopped in his car. 

nonononononononononoNO.

he couldn't stop the thoughts. they crept up on him. they wouldn't leave. 

you're worthless. josh wouldn't have liked you anyway. he's straight, and you're not. you're just a dumb dumb dumb invalid bisexual boy, whatever that is. ha, i bet josh only moved in with you out of pity anyway, it's not like anybody likes you. 

"stop!" tyler was physically shouting at himself now that he was back at the apartment. 

he ran to the bathroom, throwing his things from work aside. 

the orange bottle. he had to find it. the one that made the voices stop. he wouldn't slip away this time. no no no he wouldn't. he couldn't. 

his hands shook as he poured out the pills, putting all but one back in the container. he threw his head back, dry swallowing the medication. he gasped slightly, bracing his hands on the sink as he stared at his reflection. his face was red and puffy, still bearing streaky water marks. his hair was sticking up in eighty different directions. it was way too long. the top button of his shirt had come undone somewhere between work and where he was currently, adding to his disheveled appearance. 

he heaved one last breath before trudging two rooms over, kicking josh's door on his way. 

"that's what you get," he said to himself, throwing the door shut behind himself and landing face first on his mattress.