Mixed Ideas

Somebody Special

The bus pulls up and we file in. you sit in the back by the window where you always do. I sit on the other end of the seat, so the rest of us are in hearing distance. they sit in their normal seats and start a conversation, about what, I don't know. I'm not paying attention, I'm too busy watching you. you don't notice, thank god. as the ride goes on the bus starts to empty. First Anthony then Trey. Brooke followed by Alex. Then it's our stop, I get off first followed by Brian and you. I give B a hug and we go our seperate ways home. I can't wait to see you again. you wore brian's beanie and plugged in your music. I looked over and you're so adorable, I can't get over it. I think about you all night and the next school day. then comes the bus ride, we all followed routine. But after Anthony gets off you ask me, "why are you on the edge of the seat?" I don't know you seem to like your space, I think to myself. I slide over super close to you and say "this better?" expecting you to say 'not that close' but you say 'mhmmm' and put your arm around me for the rest of the bus ride. we get off the bus and you pull me into a hug. it only last for a few seconds, but it makes everything a little bit better. Or at least it felt like it.

I text you after I get home and said "ur hugs r amazing" and you said "thanks". We began to talk about hugs and how people see a guy and a girl hug and automatically assume they are dating. We have this huge philosophical conversation about how imperfect our society is and how we wish it would change. But because it won't anytime soon we have to keep our friendship hidden from everybody. well everybody who is in our grade and easily judges us. Brian, Brooke, and Alex know, but that's it. if only people understood that I have no one else. they think 'oh you have Sophie, Aubrey, Phoebe, Lucy, Riley and Brian'. Dated her, flute buddy not really close friends, ex's bff, not really close friends with either, he's a band friend, and have kissed him. yep totally have them, you're all I got but you have other friends at school so we probably wouldn't hang out anyway. you're actually popular to some extent where as I'm just over here alone. don't really fit in anywhere. most, cliches, if you will, are based off what you wear, the type of music you listen to and how much you cuss. so let's start with the first, clothes. I wear tshirts and a black hoodie with boot cut jeans and converse. The tops don't really define anything. Boot cut jeans puts me with the country kids, but I don't fit in there because they all listen to country music. I listen to 80's and 90's grunge and alternative rock, well that puts me with the hipsters, oh wait, we don't have any of them. Well there goes that idea! Anyway my converse could go either way,with the popular chicks who don't want me because I don't wear skinny jeans or listen to pop music. Or the scene/emo people. Yes, I realize they are not the same thing, but I don't know if some of them identify as emo or all of them or none of them. So I don't want to offend any of them. Anyway they don't want me because I don't have facial piercings, cartilage piercings or gauges. And I don't wear skinny jeans. I do listen to some emo bands but only certain songs which makes them classify me as a "fake fan" when I just don't listen to all their songs, but yeah. I'm not sporty enough to be with the athletes, I'm not social enough to be with the popular chicks. i'm not "emo" enough to hang out with the emo kids and i'm a girl so I can't chill with the dudes. I mean I'm smart enough to hang out with the "goody two shoes" who get all A's but they don't like me because i cuss. I mean I am a band nerd but they all fit in to the other categories and just hang out with their other friends, but I don't have any....