Edit: Wow! There were so many gramatical errors in this! D: TRIGGER WARNINGS! Suicide, self harm, overdose.. Anyway.. Enjoy!
~Storm
It was lonely.
Not having friends..
Not having neighbors..
Well i did but they werent nice ones.
Certianly not ones like him.. If only..
I could say my subscribers were my friends, but they didn't know me.. They didn't know my story, the fact i was in love..
I've fallen for your eyes.. But they dont know me yet..
Most of the fans knew, they often wrote fanfiction or drew rather detailed fanart, not that i looked any up at all.. Nope. I did cover up how i felt with video games, i was quite the actor (If i do say so myself) so it was easy.. Lying.. to my loyal fans..
Pretending everything was okay, putting on an act, to make it look like i wasnt madly in love with one of my dear friends.. Nope, not at all... I was cold, numb and ALONE! So goddamn alone!
He will never know! He wont ever notice! Not the ugly random gamer from Florida! No, he has a girlfriend, he calls her 'beautiful' and 'princess'.. She was nothing but a demon! A beast that needed to be slain! The rage that had subbsided from pain.. It hurt, fueled by my own pain, it drove me to do crazy things. Getting drunk continuously until i couldnt see those infuriating deep, saphire blue irises glinting at me from underneath that fucking beautiful dirty blonde fringe. His perfect features carved by the angels, those fucking lips that i craved, my drugs.. My addiction.
Staring back at me from across the world.. So far away, why was he so far away!? That gorgeous fucking bastard, i shouldv'e never accepted the co-op request.. I would never have the story telling scars, marring the skin of my arm for eternity..
The supposedly happy love story.. Bullshit.. My 'happy ending' never came!
Not many people would miss me if i just took maybe one or two more if my anti-depressants.. Nobody, my mother abandoned me as a child and my so called father ran off with a stranger when i was born.. Nobody understands.. How it feels.. Knowing you may never get to feel the gentle caress of your lovers lips against your own, the rough stubble scratching over your chin, not caring who saw.. Or what they said.. But it does matter.
Oh it does.
Or i wouldnt be here, The sun shining brightly over the top if the building..
Blinding me slightly, slowly reaching up and sliding my glasses from behind me ears and folding them neatly and placing them next to my phone on the cold concrete..
No body will miss me.
HE wont.. HE has her..
What about my neighbors? Fuck them.
The Late Night Crew.. They have a prerecorded message on my Skype, explaining the series of events that will have occured..
I felt light as a feather..
Oh, almost forgot, i reached around the back of my head, between the thick strands of brunette hair, finding the thin wire and untying the knot.. Letting the cold porcilene mask fall into my hands for the first time in a long time.. My face feeling, bare and exposed.. Not used to the air brushing against my cheeks.
Placing it down next to my glasses, the poker face staring back at me, "Dont even think about it," i rasped quietly to myself, as my eyes flickered to my phone.. Willing myself to look through my contacts for that familiar little 'F' word.. No.
He would hate you! He already does!
That was it, all i ever wanted was one kiss.. To make it all up, to mend me.. But no, he wasnt there when i needed HIM.
I felt floating..
Settle down with me..
Cover me up.. Cuddle me in.
The feeling of air rushing around my body..
Weakness.. But i was free, No he was free, of my existence.. He wont have to see me again.. Never..
Kiss me..
Like you wanna be loved..
Plese dont hurt me! This was written at 01:05 in the morning! Listening to Ed Sheeran :D Over and out. Ciao!
~Storm
