Never Let Go

Last Chance

"Three words...that's all I need from you... Clay, just tell me if you feel the same way.." she stood in front of me, tears filling her eyes, ready to fall. She had her hand raised with three fingers up. I knew what it was she wanted to hear, but I wasn't sure if it was how I felt, I mean, god, I was only 21, how do I know if I..love..her..yet, we'd been together for a year now and never once had I said to her 'I love you', which disappointed her. I knew that if I didn't say those words, she'd leave, right now, her things were in a box that rested on her hip, her jacket already on and zipped up and her high-heels on. Even she knew I wouldn't say it, but she was giving me another chance.

"Uh..I..l-..like you.." I uttered, and as soon as the second word escaped my lips, she grabbed the doorknob and yanked open the door.

"I hope you know how much you just lost, Clay." she said before stomping down the apartment complex stairs.

"Yeh, all of my cds and my car," I said sarcastically, trying to push away the feeling that lingered in the pit of my stomach. Heading to the small kitchen, I rummaged around in the fridge til I found my forgotten bottle of vodka, flicking off the top, I took a big gulp and headed to my bedroom, where I would find only my bare bed and my old laptop sitting on the floor. I flopped down on the bed and lay there, looking through the sky-light at the night sky, you could barely see any stars due to the lights of the city but just knowing they were out there was enough for me, bringing the bottle to my lips, I remembered the day I finally asked her out. She had been in all of my classes since 9th grade and the only time I had ever talked to her was to say 'excuse me' when she stood in front of the classroom door. It wasn't until graduation day that I finally asked her, my voice shaky, "Um..Claire..maybe if your not busy tomorrow, we could, um..do something together?" and to my surprise, the biggest grin spread across her face as she exclaimed," Yes!" Later on I found out that she always had a crush on me, she had stood in front of that door to get me to talk to her and she was too shy herself to talk to me. That was the happiest day of my life.Every time I took a sip, another memory would come back,happy memories,sad memories,all kinds of memories. Within the next hour, I had finished the bottle and went down to the corner store to get three more bottles. By the third bottle the memories had stopped coming back to me, so the drinking turned from remembering to forgetting. I tried to forget the way her smile would light up the room, the way she'd start to hiccup if she laughed to much. The way she would lean her head against my chest to hear my heartbeat, causing my heart to beat faster. The way we'd dance around the kitchen when we cooked, even though I was a horrible dancer. I had to forget how happy I was, why couldn't I tell her I love her, is it because I really don't?